Pro-Wrestlers vs. UFC: A Dream Card
by Ervin Griffin Jr.
Welcome once again to my dream world!!! In this scenerio, I will pit some of pro wrestling's best against the men of the UFC!!! Now, forget the fact that pro wrestling is mostly work and sell. Some of these pro wrestlers actually know how to fight for real!!! So, I will put the UFC's finest against guys that could actually give them a challenge. This time, I will just make the fights and you (the readers) can pick the winners (e-mail them to me and I'll print them). The rules would be this:
1. The combatants will fight in the octagon ring.
2. The no biting, no eye-gouging, and no fish-hooking rules will be in effect. All other blows (including the low blow) will be legal.
3. A participant can win by submission or knock out. Pin falls, however, will be allowed. They will be the standard three count.
4. A referee will be given power to stop a bout if a participant is unable to continue.
5. If a fight goes the time limit, then it will go to the judges to render a decision.
Now, for the fights:
Bret Hart VS. Royce Gracie
It is the five time WWF World Champion against the undefeated jujitsu/grappling-master!!! This would be a tough fight. Gracie, although taken to the limit several times in the UFC, has never technically lost. He has never submitted in a match ever (to my knowledge). Hart, while suffering some controversial losses, has never submitted in a match either. Gracie's specialty is chokes and arm locks while Hart favors working over the legs to set up his "sharpshooter". The way I see this match, if it turns into a brawl, then the "HitMan" will take it. If it stays technical, then Hart (as good as he is) will fall. Your choice.
Dan "The Beast" Severn VS. Scott Steiner
It's "The Battle Of Michigan" here. Two amatuer wrestling standouts with pro wrestling experience are set to do battle. Dan has a little size advantage but power would have to go to Scott here. I think both are even when it comes to the suplex (anyone that saw Dan's debut in UFC IV know what I am talking about). I think here, it will be a case of which man can execute best will win. I don't believe there will be a submission here. It will either go to a judges' decision or there will be a pin.
"Tank" Abbott VS. Vader
Two big bulls would be squaring off here. Vader was an All-American in football but is familiar with the "no holds barred" style. Abbott was awesome in his first UFC appearance (UFC VI) but hasn't been nearly as impressive since. Still, it would make for an interesting match since both men prefer to brawl rather than use holds. Since both men throw big punches, it'll be the man that folds his tent first that wins.
Keith Hackney VS. Masa Chono
Here we have a Kempo expert in Hackney against the STF master in Chono. Hackney is more of a knock out artist while Chono likes to work the submission holds. This is another toss up match.
Oleg Taktarov VS. Dean Malenko
"The Man Of 1,000 Holds" against the Sambo expert. Taktarov is similar to Bret Hart in that he has never lost by submission (his two losses to Dan Severn came by referee/judges decision). Malenko, on the other hand, has lost once by submission to Jeff Jarrett by a questionable decision. Still, Malenko is no easy win. Taktarov VS. Malenko would be a battle of submission. I don't think you would see many pin attempts in this match.
Don "The Pretator" Frye VS. Chris Benoit
Two walking buzzsaws here. Frye was impressive in his first three UFC outings (UFC VIII, IX, and X) while Benoit is just Mr. Intensity. Benoit's best chance would be to make it a wrestling match. I know Frye knows his holds but (as Mark Coleman proved in UFC X) he can be had on the mat. Frye's best chance would be to turn it into a slugfest!! Benoit is tough but even he would have to fall sooner or later.
Marco Ruas VS. Steve "Dr. Death" Williams Steve Williams has proven his wrestling acumen a dozen times. Marco Ruas is a proven commodity thank to UFC VII. Power would definitly belong to Williams while skill would belong to Ruas (although Williams can wrestle and Ruas is certainly not a puny man). Williams would definitly have to go for pins while Ruas has the skills to force a submission.
Paul Varlens VS. Scott Norton
Another big man match up. Both men are brawlers but Varlens is a better technical expert. Norton,though, would do better to turn this match into a brawl.
Well, there is the dream line up for this dream card. Now, for this one, I will let the readers (that includes even writers from this web page) choose the winners of these fictional matches. I tried to pick the opponents from pro wrestling carefully to make it interesting. Bear in mind that all of the men that I have pick does know some of the real stuff and could give a good accounting of themselves. To e-mail who you think will win, send it to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Well, I hope to hear from you soon.
Ervin Griffin Jr. is Solie's resident historian and also contributes to the Ringside Insider on a regular basis.
WCW Monday Nitro
Live from Worchester, Massachusetts - the Nitro Grrrls do their thing...
Tony starts the program by hyping the next PPV. He alludes to Legendary Larry's participation then throws it to Tenay. "Iron" Mike is mercifully short. Larry gets in his rant then they go to a video review of the DDP saga.
Buff Bagwell (w/Vincent) vs. Diamond Dallas Page (w/Kimberly) - as usual, DDP goes to the corner to lounge at the outset of this match. The match itself is a pretty high-speed affair showing Bagwell to good advantage, but it is DDP who manages to throw a springboard planche worthy of any cruiserweight. We see Raven sitting in the crowd - Stevie Richards sits behind him. Bagwell uses shortcuts to retake the initiative on several occasions and once manages to thwart a Diamond Cutter. Moments later DDP collides with the referee and sends him to the floor. Vincent comes in and they begin to double-team Page. He side steps both of them and it's Diamond Cutter time...one each! DDP roles Vincent out of the ring and covers his opponent as the reeling referee returns. On his way from the ring area, he jumps the barrier right where Raven is sitting ringside. They size each other up but no sparks fly... Cut to Tenay's hype for his coming report on the Mexican wrestling scene.
Rey Misterio Jr. vs. Eddie Guerrero (El Caliente) - Guerrero comes out in a mask and immediately attacks Misterio as he is giving his outer mask away to a fan. Eddie grabs the mask and put's it on over his own then goes to work on his opponent. Misterio takes it for quite some time. He trys to unmask Misterio but the little guy thwarts his efforts. Guerrero almost goes for a frog-splash but decides not to reveal his identity. It is a mistake. Rey gets loose and does a double bounce springboard Frankensteiner to effect the pin. Afterwards he unmasks Guerrero.
The Giant rants about it being "pay-back time" for Curt Hennig tonight (they have a match later).
Sting appears up in the balcony - he has a security guy on each side to keep the fans away. The announcers all exclaim over him - then we cut to commercial.
Bill Goldberg vs. The Barbarian - here is our SCSA clone again pitted against one of the more ferocious veterans in the game. Tenay tells us some of his athletic background (former Atlanta Falcon/Georgia Bulldog). The Barbarian is pretty slow in this one but this Goldberg guy is impressive none-the-less. One has to be intrigued by this little conceit - what do you think Bischoff wants to prove? Goldberg dispatches his opponent with...well...dispatch (and a suplex). Mean Gene tries to interview him again, he holds up a picture of Goldberg in his Bulldog uniform. The mystery man shoves past him. Legandary Larry rants about the coming PPV. His message? "Bite this Scott hall!" Cut to commercial.
Nitro Grrrls lookin' fine in Silver spandex...Tony hypes coming house shows and Nitro Parties then talks about Ric Flair. He says they expect to get a phone call from the Nature Boy, who will make a major announcement about his career.
Juventud Gurerrera vs. Disco Inferno - the new TV Champ is really strutting his stuff tonight. It is unclear about whether this is a Title match (I doubt it). Good thing because Guerrera runs rings around his opponent. Oh... now Tony is indicating that it is a Title contest. Disco finally turns things around by dropping Juventud across the top rope. Best line of the night - "Somebody unplug those pants!" - Larry Z looking at Alex Wright's neon yellow trousers. Wright comes to ringside and starts interfering on the side of Guerrera - then Jaquelyn shows up to aid Disco! He wins the match and then has to avoid both of them to leave the ring area. Cut to commercial.
Savage rants with Liz at his side - he challanges Sting to a match.
Jeff Jarrett (w/Debra) vs. Steve McMichael - the crowd chants "Jarrett Sucks!" at the beginning of the match. Jarrett is the talented wrestler here but Mongo has made giant strides in the last year. The power vs finess contest between these two is quite credible. We go to commercial wondering how it's going to turn out.
The match has gone out to the floor as we return. Mongo takes a huge post shot then takes a second one which is even more impressive. Moments later, back in the ring, Debra gets physically involved by pulling her battered husband's hair. Jarrett slaps on a sleeper and Mongo goes to the mat and almost succombs. He fights his way back to his feet and reverses the move. Jarrett uses a jaw-breaker to escape. He then fails to brutalize his opponent who steamrolls over him. McMichael goes for his Tombstone but Jarrett twists out of it and fells him with another (reverse) jaw-breaker. Mongo comes right back like a tank and has Jarrett in his sights when Debra confronts him on the apron and slaps him! The distraction allows Jarrett to get behind and roll him up. After the match, Mongo chases Debra away from the ring area.
The announcers show us a replay of Sting's appearance earlier and talk about the possibility of a Savage/Sting match tonight (when pigs fly, say I...) then cut to commercial.
More Nitro Grrrrls...
Replay of Scott Hall giving the Outsider's Edge to a referee last week.
nWo music plays - Syxx leads Hall out. Hall is walking with the aid of crutches. They have a mic (of course) - Hall asks if everyone is here to see WCW? (Boos and catcalls)...or n-W-o (the crowd joins him in the letters). The music starts up for a break but Hall says to cut it and rants about Lex Luger. He then turns his attention to Larry Z and threatens him with bodily harm if he doesn't call the PPV match fairly. Cut to commercial.
Syxx (w/Hall) vs. Chris Jericho - Jericho is in the ring as we return. Hall is still lurking at ringside. As expected, this is a very fast-paced match. Syxx takes the advantage right away and holds it for several minutes until he launches himself off the top and misses a somersault splash. Now it's all Jericho - who goes to the air. Syxx gets knocked out of the ring then splashed on the floor. Back inside Syxx outmaneuvers his opponent but only holds the initiative momentarily. Jericho has the match won when Hall distracts him. Syxx blindsides his opponent and puts on the Buzzkiller while Hall intimidates the referee. Larry Z comes down and breaks it up - then Luger backs him up.
Tony gets Ric Flair on the phone - Flair thanks Tony for his expressed concerns then thanks Curt Hennig for giving him a wake-up call!! He says he was caught off guard and paid the price. He coming back folks...he promises to get back in Hennig's face as soon as he can. He also promises to come back and get his robe from Hollywood Hogan.
He praises Chris Benoit and Mongo McMichael for their talents and abilities and then says he wants to break up the Horsemen temporarily so that he can go his own way for a while. He doesn't want them trying to take care of him. He promises to continue to be the dirtiest player in the game. It is a very impassioned speech spoken in a very matter-of-fact manner. Andersonesque actually... this guy is magic even on the phone...cut to commercial.
Nitro Party video - Brown University students and teachers strut their nWo t-shirts and talk about who they are and why they watch Nitro.
Speak of the devil - that funky music plays... Eric Bischoff prances to the ring with his trademark insincere smile. He loves us all, of course (and he means it, really...) He wants to talk business. He rants about Sting - how Hogan has been challanging him (right...). Sting has been showing up at house shows all over the country the last two weeks, bedeviling the nWo. He dismisses Flair as out of hand, then he threatens Piper with dismemberment at Halloween Havoc. The music plays him away from the ring. Cut to commercial.
Wrath (w/James Vandenberg) vs. Lex Luger - we get a great perspective shot of a napkin ball crossing right in front of Luger to the camera as he makes his approach. We hear that Mongo and Jarrett are still brawling backstage. They have a match for HH. Luger and Wrath are equally ponderous and put on a slow-motion show of power moves and martial arts maneuvers. In the end Luger disposes of the manager and racks the big man to get the submission victory.
They seem to be going to the Nitro Grrrls at every opportunity. Interestingly, they're growing on me..! I wonder if Vince is watching this...? More nWo music - Bischoff invades the booth - Heenan and Tenay bail... Curt Hennig comes to the ring as Bischoff tries to intimidate Tony. The Giant enters without music or fireworks and takes possession of the ring. It is 10 minutes after the hour. Hennig faces his opponent and gets creamed immediately. The Giant sits on him in the corner. The chops of the big man turn Hennig 180 degrees onto his head. Bischoff is busily telling us that Flar will never come back as Hennig turns the tables in the ring and Fisherman Suplexes the big guy - but the Giant kicks out!! Now the Giant comes back strong and is consequently swarmed by the thug patrol. Sting shows up with his bat and clears the ring. He points the bat all around then throws it down. He singlehandedly fights (and beats) the nWo until image fades...
WWF Monday Night RAW
Poor Steve Austin! He has no friends...is he going to go eat worms? No...but he cushioned the impact on the boss real good. McMahon lays twitching unconvincingly after the attack as we go to the opening montage.
RAW is on tape tonight.
Vince McMahon (looking healthy) summons Shawn Michaels and his cronies (HHH and Chynna, Rick Rude) come to the ring. They flex for the cameras (minus Rude). Vince wants to know who Rude works for. Rude offers his services to protect Vinnie from Steve Austin. Vince then turns to "the wise ass" of the WWF and asks him about the coming cage match. Shawn wants to talk about how they punked the Undertaker last week instead. HHH then says his piece as Michaels cavorts around the edge of the camera frame flicking at Vince's ears. Hunter alludes to being looked overlooked for Title consideration and there is talk of "the Cliq". Sgt. Slaughter comes out and tells Shawn to watch himself, then he orders HHH to face the Undertaker tonight. Now the Harts appear on the platform and threaten Michaels while he and Helmsley do their best Beavis and Butthead impression. Cut to commercial.
Video stills of the European Championship match followed by a video clip of Dianna going to her husband's assistance after the match. Hunter does Syxx's nWo gesture as he and Michaels leave the arena.
The British Bulldog vs. Vader - it is pointed out that Davey Boy goes into the match with an injured knee from the Title match. He is visibly limping after the first exchange. Vader rips into him for several moments then the Bulldog comes back after a failed flying maneuver by his opponent. Out to the floor it goes and Vader gets hung out to dry on the railing. Back in the ring Vader re-asserts himself. Vince tries to convince us his brain is scrambled as he refers to a nonexistent partnership between The Bulldog and the Patriot. JR corrects him as we go to commercial.
The match is on the outside and Davey Boy seems to be in control but he gives it up immediately. Back in the ring Vader presses his attack. He gets his Vader bomb and would get the pin except for the Harts' attacking en masse. They drag Vader to the corner so Bret can slap his peculiar figure four on the big guy. The Patriot runs in to help but he gets caught as well - Vader is out of it on the apron. They give Wilkes the post treatment as well. The two Americans lay face up in the ring as they are draped with Canadian flags. Cut to commercial.
Faarooq is profiled with clips of his football career.
Faarooq vs Ahmed Johnson - IC Title Tourney match - we reprise Ahmed's latest injury before he attacks Faarooq with a vengence. The Warriors and Shamrock have accompanied him to the ring. Faarooq retakes the advantage and starts stomping on the injured hand. He whips his opponent then ducks his head. Johnson downs him with a scissor kick. They go out to the floor where Johnson uses the ringsteps as a weapon. When the referee protests, Ahmed decks him and gets disqualified. The NOD attacks and the LOD come in - a melee ensues. Cut to commercial.
Bian Pillman's latest taunting video. He is in bed with the lady, who has the covers pulled up to her chin. He says he won't wrestle Dude Love at the PPV unless Goldust is handcuffed to the ring. This just gets more and more disgusting...
Dude Love comes down to the broadcast booth for the next match. They have changed the broadcast table for a console affair. The monitors are in a recessed cowel on top of the table.
Goldust vs. The Sultan (w/The Iron Sheik) - the Dudester tells us that Goldust has a No DQ match against Pillman if he (Dude Love) can defeat Pillman in their match at the PPV. In the ring the Sultan is definitely taking it to our boy Dustin. He slaps on a sleeper which nearly succeeds but then Dustin fights his way back to his feet. He is bulled into the corner where he turns things around. He goes for a lariet but is shoved off. The Sultan coldcocks him with a crescent kick. An arrogant pin allows Goldust to kick out then regain the advantage. He hits the bulldog this time and gets the pin.
Stone Cold is in the building...but lets go sell something first.
We review the scene as Sgt. Slaughter books the UT/HHH match.
Here comes SCSA - he comes down with his own mic. Vince looks decidedly nervous at ringside as Steve stares him down. Austin summons Vince into the ring. Vince starts to read him the riot act. He gives Austin three options.1) Bring a Doctor's certificate or 2) sign a liability waver, and wrestle, or 3) he will be fired. Austin says he may or may not sign the waver, but he will surely beat some on Vince if he is fired. Afterward he menaces the boss back at the broadcast table. Vince looks pretty angry at one point. He pulls that off much better then he did the bump last week...
The Headbangers vs. Los Borecuas (Jose and Jesus) - Tag Team Title match - the Champs dominate the early going. They are clearly the superior team. As the match goes on the Latinos gradually assume command of things. They have it well in hand as we go to commercial.
Los Borecuas are still in control as we return. They punish Thrasher in their corner then take turns beating him down. Mosh finally gets in and scores some but soon is in the same boat as his partner. Before the Borecuas can spring the trap the Godwins invade the ring and cause the DQ. JR is advertising a controversey on the Hotline concerning whether or not Marlena will actually return to Dustin - he really should be ashamed. Cut to commercial.
Video review of the closing moments of the Johnson/Faarooq match. Owen Hart will face Faarooq in the tournement finale. He comes to the ring with a riot squad and a T-shirt that reads "Owen 3:16" on the front and "I broke your neck" on the back. He vows to beat Faarooq and regain the Title. He rants about Stone Cold and implores Vince to fire the bum. One of the riot cops takes off his helmet and it's Austin!!! He stuns Owen and splits before the cops can grab him. I can see they will have to pretend to fire Stone Cold next week so he can really go on a rampage...
We get a review of the events just befre the commercial as we come back. We see Owen suffering in his locker room as Jim Neidhart watches over him. We then switch to clips of the "Hell-in-the-Cell" cage being constructed.
Hunter Hearst Helmsley (w/Chynna and HBK) vs. The Undertaker - the "triple threat" enters just before the commercial. There is about 11 minutes left in the program.
UT makes his entrance as we return - with about 9 minutes left he takes his time going to the ring. Suddenly Bret Hart and the Bulldog attack the dead man. The Patriot and Vader chase them away but the damage is done. Helmsley and Michaels continue the attack. Then HBK turns away. UT reasserts himself and fights Helmsley into the ring. The match is on with HHH's cohorts interfering from the outside. Regardless UT gets a chokeslam. Hunter is being set up for a Tombstone but Rude runs in and breaks that up. He brings out a bodybag and helps the "Cliq" to put UT into it. They celebrate until UT pops up and escapes the bag. Out on the ramp the Undertaker battles both HBK and Helmsley and comes out on top. Hunter gets knocked down, Michaels tries to flee but is turned back as he heads through the curtain. Hunter gets tombstoned on the platform as Michaels climbs the Titn Tron to escape. Fade to black...
Monday Night Ramblings...
I have received a number of comments concerning my most recent editorial over on the Bad Boy's site. The subject of the article was Ric Flair and the Four Horsemen but at one point I digressed to talk about why more people tune into the Nitro program than watch RAW each week.
There has been a lot of editorializing on this subject, of course. WCW detractors attribute it to "Star" power (the fact that Hall, Nash and Hogan are all with WCW), others say it is because TNT is present on more cable services, still others figure that Ted Turner is somehow manipulating the ratings. What crap!
My take on it is that WCW is simply more interesting to watch. This stems from the way WCW storylines are constructed, they follow logic and they only occasionally take the viewer down false alleys. They're not perfect, no one is, but you pretty much know from week to week, who is feuding with whom.
Over in the WWF, everything seems to be in a tangle. The Undertaker is feuding with Shawn Michaels, who is feuding with the Harts, who are feuding with everybody. The new Tag Champs (the Headbangers) are feuding with nobody (as far as I can tell), the NOD seems to be at war with itself while the DOA seems to have disappeared. Brian Pillman either is or isn't a Hart Foundation member, Jim Neidhart has reappeared (just in time to attack the Undertaker last week) and Goldust is floundering around while he waits out the rest of the 30 day period before he gets his wife back. Ahmed Johnson is making sporadic appearances between injuries, and can't make up his mind whether he is a face or a heel. Meanwhile, Steve Austin, who isn't supposed to be wrestling, is going around picking on announcers and others who are not able to defend themselves.
I feel the above jumble is the result of the fact that the bookers at the WWF are running scared from the "juggernaut" called the nWo. I don't expect that they will recover until they stop trying to outdo WCW and simply go their own way. I could be wrong...
Anyway, that's the way I see it...
editor Solie's Wrestling Newsletter
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