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Solie's Tuesday Morning Report: EXTRA!

Out Of Time '97

results by Ervin Griffin Jr.

A Christmas Poem

(With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore)

Volume 3, Issue 257 - December 25, 1997

Out Of Time '97

results by Ervin Griffin Jr.

Hello readers. Well, the midnight deadline has passed and now I am about to present the winners of "Out Of Time '97." This has been the biggest response that I have had to any of my dream cards!!! I would like to thank everyone that participated. I wish I had time to name all of you but there were about 25 of you that responded!!! Special thanks goes to the ones that added comments to their choices!!! Below you will see some of the best comments for the winner. Everyone that commented will get on the "board", at least, once. So, without further adieu, read the results and look closely. You make see something you said:

AUSTIN 3:16 CRUSHES "THE HANDS OF STONE!!!!"

In a surprisingly one sided bout, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin opened a can of "whoop-a**" and defeated the tough veteran Ron Garvin by a 19-4 margin!!! Many of you pointed out that while Garvin would've been a tough opponent, SCSA would've found a way to put the "Stunner" on him and get the victory. The best comment that describes the match came from Bradley Arrington:

"Stone Cold would beat Garvin after taking a beating. This match would be a real juicer!!! I'm talking worse than the match Bret and Austin had at WrestleMania (13)."

"THE NATURE BOY" MAKES "THE HITMAN" SAY 'UNCLE'!!!

In another shocker, Ric Flair defeates Bret Hart in a brutal "I Quit" match to win the WWF and NWA World Titles!!! The score saw Flair win by a 15-8 margin!!! Still, many of you saw this as a classic bout if it was possible for Flair to meet Hart in his younger form. I had so many good comments about this match that it was hard for me to choose one but here is a good one:

"At the 55 minute mark, I see Flair attempting his trademark "irish whip flip over the turnbuckle," but Bret blocks it, hits him in the gut, and slaps on the Sharpshooter!!! After a few grueling minutes of suffering, Flair says 'NO!!', picks Hart's ankle (much like Bret did against the Patriot) and somehow applies the figure four!!!!! Hart struggles for a while, but succombs to the pain. Flair is victorious in a classic!"

HARLEY RACE DEFEATS DEAN MALENKO IN A CLOSE ONE!!!

In a close bout, "Handsome" Harley defeated Dean Malenko by a 13-11 margin in one of the most evenly fought contests of the card. The lead changed back and forth about three times before Race finally pulled away. Still, Malenko gave a good accounting of himself:

"Harley Race, at that point in his career, would waste Malenko in no time. If Dean flew, Race would catch him for a powerslam. If it was mat wrestling, Race would overpower Malenko. Malenko has all the moves, but Race (has) all the answers. A 20 minute match."

"With Race in his 1981 shape, the WWF's first-ever KOTR would probably come out as the winner, but it would be a close contest."

GOLDUST DUSTS OFF THE "EXOTIC" ONE!!!

In another blowout, Goldust defeated "Exotic" Adrian Street by a 12-6 vote!! Most fans, however, either didn't vote on this match or voted for Goldust out of familiarity. Some admitted that they have never seen Street wrestle and couldn't make a fair judgment. But here is a comment that I think sums up how this match would end:

"Goldust catches Street with the loaded purse from Marlena and gets the pin."

THE ROAD WARRIORS DESTROY THE HARLEM HEAT!!!

In one of two shutouts on the card, The Road Warriors killed the Booker T and Stevie Ray by a 24-0 margin!!! If this were real, The Heat would've probably sued me for being inhumane or something. For this one, I have three good comments:

"How could you or any promoter do this to Harlem Heat?! They're good and I like them as a team, but the Warriors are the best there is. Heat would give a good accounting of themselves, but this is a no-brainer."

"HH is awesome, but no one takes out the Road Warriors of that era!"

"Heat are good, but the Warriors were inhuman."

KEVIN NASH SMASHES BIG JOHN STUDD!!!

In another 19-4 decision, Nash overpowers Studd!!! While many saw both men as one-dimensional, you pointed out that Nash was more mobile and agile and that would put him over the top against Studd:

"Well, I have to give it to Nash because as one dimensional as nash is, the Studd was worse. Wouldn't be surprised if Nash powerbombed him like he did The Giant."

ANDRE THE GIANT WINS "THE BATTLE OF THE GIANTS!!!"

In the battle of the past and present, Andre squeaked out a win over WCW's Giant by a vote of 12-11!!! Many of you believed that the younger and more athletic Giant would easily defeat Andre while others felt that Andre was too much for The Giant to overcome:

"Both are huge, but the Giant can actually go airborn. I'll take the Giant."

"Andre The Giant destroys The Giant in 3 min."

"COME ON! ANDRE WAS WRESTLING. NO CONTEST!"

OLE & ARN ANDERSON "WRECKS" THE FACES OF FEAR!!!

In another blowout, "The Minnesota Wrecking Crew" defeats "The Faces" by a 21-2 margin. Most just felt that Ole & Arn were too crafty for Meng and The Barbarian while the two that voted for the Faces felt one of the Andersons would fall to the "Tongan Death Grip":

"Ole and Arn are tough old bastards, but, even the toughest guy would have to submit to the Tongan Death Grip."

"Meng never even legally gets in the ring. Barbarian starts, and never leaves. After completly destroying Barbarian's left arm, the Andersons by submission."

MORTON AND GIBSON "ROCK N ROLL" OVER MOSH AND THRASHER!!!

The Rock n Roll Express, by a 18-6 margin, defeats The Headbangers. While it is obvious that the R n R still has a following out there, supporters for the 'bangers were vocal:

"The Headbangers have a gimmick similiar to the Express but their skills and work rate are superior to that of Morton and Gibson."

"You know something? Aside from the fact that Ricky Morton is the best in the business at getting "beat up" in tag team wrestling, I really, really hate the R n R Express (even when I was a mark). Ricky and Robert are no match for the "extreme style" of the Headbangers."

Well, they pulled it out in this one Kev.

BENOIT "CRIPPLES" THE "RAGIN' BULL"!!!

By a 17-4 vote, Chris Benoit defeats Manny Fernandez in a brutal Mexican Death Match!!! While most of you did give credit to Fernandez for being a tough competitor, you also felt that Benoit would just be too much for him:

"Burrito (is) no match for the Crippler...Fernandez is strong early, but gets caught in the Crossface and submits."

"I'd have to say that 'the wolverine' would take this one. Benoit has an intesity level that few can or could ever match."

WAHOO CHOPS DOWN McMICHAEL!!!

By a 19-2 vote, Steve "Mongo" McMichael is put down by "Chief" Wahoo McDaniel. Many of you agreed with me that McMichael has vastly improved. Still, you were also of the opinion that that wouldn't help him against the legendary "Chief":

"McDaniel in a squash over McMichael."

"While I agree McMichael has greatly improved, it just isn't enough. McDaniel by pinfall."

"Wahoo could take Mongo's non talented a** right now at 100 or however old he is."

OWEN HART GETS BY "MR. WONDERFUL"!!!

Owen Hart manages a 12-9 decision over the crafty Paul "Mr. Wonderful" Orndorff. Still, Orndorff accounted for himself well here as he still has a faithful following:


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"You pick the right year for this one (1986). Orndorff never looked better. He takes this one with his patented piledriver."

"An even match, but Owen's got the bigger arsenal."

"Mr. Wonderful" surprises some people by getting the win...Hart actually kicks out of Orndorff's piledriver, but never fully recovers and is pinned after a second one."

THE DEAD MAN BURIES THE BUTCHER!!!

In a violent Parking Lot Brawl Match, The Undertaker survives the wraith of Abdullah The Butcher by a 14-8 vote. Many of you, whether you voted for UT, Abby or neither man, came up with some unique descriptions:

"Bloody match with Abdullah using glass and metal from the cars to carve up the Undertaker...Undertaker takes the punishment and comes back...Actually gives the tombstone to the Butcher driving his head through a sunroof on the top of one of the cars...a crane has to be brought in to get Abdullah out."

"The Butcher was the most violent wrestler I've ever seen. He would put ECW's best to shame. UT is in the midst of a downward spiral, a win over Abdullah could be a return to the top. I don't see it happening, though. Abdullah all the way."

"The 'taker would bleed. Abdullah would bleed. Boards would be broken. Finally, after 25 minutes, The 'taker would roll Abdullah into an open coffin that's at the cemetary next to the Arena where the match started."

"Abdullah The Butcher destroys Undertaker. Abdullah was just a beast. He was one of the few wrestlers that actually scared me."

THE STEINERS OVERWELM STEAMBOAT AND YOUNGBLOOD!!!

By a 15-4 decision, The Steiner Bros. defeat the legendary team of Steamboat and Youngblood. Many fans thought that, even in their current condition, the Steiners would still find a way to win:

"...The Steiners are one of the best of all time and they also have the strength/weight advantage. Steiners after a long bout."

VADER SLIDES BY WINDHAM!!!

In a surprisingly close bout, The Man They Call Vader squeaks out an 11-9 victory over Barry Windham. Many just felt that Vader would revert back to his former self facing a wrestler the caliber of Windham (1988):

"Yeah, Windham is capable. But Vader....is Vader! I see a Vader attack, a possible moonsault and/or powerbomb and a finishing Vader Bomb polishing Windham off."

NIKITA BEHEADS DAVEY BOY!!!

With a 17-8 run, "The Russian Nightmare" dismantles "The British Bulldog!!!" It was noted that DBS was the better technical wrestler but, as many fans said, it wouldn't matter against Koloff:

"Nikita over Bulldog. Nikita would win this one just on intimidation alone. I mean, what's scarier? A screaming bald Russian or a guy who used to take a puppy to ringside?"

"I love watching Koloff wrestle. As much as I would like the Bulldog to win, it is unavoidable that Davey Boy would get the Sickle after Koloff escapes the Powerslam."

BLANCHARD TAKES HEMSLEY TO SCHOOL!!!

With a 13-9 win, Tully Blanchard proved that he still has what it takes (in the dream world anyway). Still, Hemsley gave a good accounting for himself against this great veteran:

"The Chyna factor has seemed to always prove too much for opponents. And DX have always proved too quick for their adversaries (in this case, The Horsemen)."

"Hemsley is no match for Tully...Tully wears HHH down...Chyna's interference is the only thing that keeps HHH in the match...when Babydoll and Chyna get in a brawl outside the ring, Tully slingshots HHH and gets the win."

HBK ESCAPES "THE BOSS"!!!

Shawn Michaels scored a narrow victory over Magnum TA by a 10-8 decision. However, judging by the voting (and based on the response I got for the SCSA/Magnum dream story), there are still some faithful Magnum fans out there 11 years after the car accident that ended his career in 1986:

"A long bout! Michaels survives five Belly to belly suplexes, but Magnum survives sweet chin music when Michaels takes too long to cover. At 45 minutes Michaels gets DQ'd when HHH and Chyna interfere."

"MAGNUM TA WOULD ANNIHILATE SHAWN MICHAELS!!!!!"

"THE AMERICAN DREAM" CRUSHES THE PATRIOT!!!

Dusty Rhodes brought out the bionic elbow out of the closet as he overpowered The Patriot by a vote of 20-3:

"Dusty would 'clubber' Del Wilkes."

"Dusty's beaten guys bigger and stronger than Del, so no contest here. After the match, Dusty amazes everyone by not saying the phrase "if you will.." in his post-match interview."

TERRY BEATS THE "FUNK" OUT OF DDP!!!

In a bout with no disqualifications, Terry Funk emerged victorious over Diamond Dallas Page by the score of 16-4. Many of you gave DDP credit for improving as a wrestler but say that he would've been no match for the wildman from Amarillo, TX:

"I don't think DDP could hold his own in this one. I don't think he could handle a no DQ with Funk because look what he does in ECW - and this is 8 years before that! The Funk would take this one after getting up from 2 or 3 diamond cutters."

"Why did you do have to do this to one of my favorite wrestlers? Terry Funk would beat DDP to a pulp. I don't think that the Diamond Cutter could save DDP. I mean on top of being one of the most vicious wrestlers of all time, Terry was also one of the toughest. I think that you could shoot the guy with a bazzoka and he'd still find a way to crawl over to you just so he beat the crap out of you."

"The first and only diamond cutter would only piss Funk off prompting him to use anything not nailed down on Page. The beating from the branding iron would lead to Funk pinning a very bloody and battered Page."

LUGER "RACKS" SANTANA!!!

In another decisive match, Lex Luger defeats Tito Santana by the score of 17-6. Some of you said that Santana was the better wrestler but against Luger's power, it wouldn't make any difference. Still, some Santana backers made some good arguments:

"Two words...Torture rack. Luger by submission."

"Luger's power is too much for the flying burrito. Luger with the rack."

"I think Santana would win because Luger is one of the most overrated wrestlers in the business. Tito's scientific moves and finness would win it for him."

"Tito's way better than Luger currently is. Luger, I think, was a lot better before his WWF stint. Tito uses a forearm/figure-4 1-2 combo to get a pinfall win (Luger's too dumb to give up, so he'll pass out from pain)."

CACTUS SURVIVES THE BITE OF THE "MAD DOG"!!!

In this falls count anywhere encounter, Cactus Jack got the duke over Buzz Sawyer by the score of 13-5!!! Interestingly, a couple of you think that it wouldn't end in pinfall but by the man would couldn't continue:

"Phew, I'm exhausted just thinking about this one! Lots of blood! Lots of broken everything. No one wins, but Sawyer loses officially when he passes out from blood loss at the 30 minute mark."

"After battling all thru the stadium with some incredible spots the referee declares an unconcious Sawyer unfit to continue. Cactus Jack wins."

"Buzz Sawyer beats Cactus Jack over the head with a bowling ball to get the win."

THE SHEEPHERDERS SAVAGE THE GODWINS!!!

In a 17-3 butchering, Luke and Butch returned to their "sheepherding" ways to slaughter Henry and Phenious Godwin in a barb wire match!!! Luke and Butch, in this form, was just too tough for the Arkansas' natives:

"SHEEPHERDERS over Godwins! Yes!! I though I was the only one who remembered how dangerous the Sheepherders were back then! After the match, that freak Jamison, who hung out with the Bushwhackers in 1990, comes out and gets lynched by a string of barbwire."

"Look for the sheepherders to have a huge advantage. The former bushwackers have had many special stip matches and have been able to brawl with the best of the tag teams. Sheepherders in a violent, bloody match."

"Barb Wire? I think that would then likely favor the Sheepherders."

ATLAS "PLUNGES" INTO DEFEAT!!!

By a score of 17-6, Ahmed Johnson overcomes the veteran Tony Atlas:

"They both suck. But due to intensity level, Ahmed wins out."

"I don't think Tony could resist matching power with Ahmed, and he would just find himself plunging to defeat."

"Ahmed is just too intense to be beat."

WRAITH AND MORTIS GET MUGGED ON "BADSTREET U.S.A"!!!

Here is the other shutout of the card, the Freebird team of Michael Hayes and Terry Gordy wins by a 22-0 margin!!! Mortis and Wraith didn't stand a chance:

"I think this would be a 'fabulous' contest (if you get my drift)."

"Wraith and Mortis are good, but they need work. I'll take the Freebirds."

"The Freebirds over Wrath and Mortis in 9 minutes. James Vanderburg is no Buddy Roberts, and there's the biggest difference. Bam Bam takes out Mortis with some sort of power move."

"DR. DEATH" APPLIES LETHAL INJECTION TO "THE LAUGHING MAN"!!!

In another one sided affair, Steve Williams defeats Hugh Morris by the score of 18-3:

"Steve bleeds, Morrus doesn't, but Williams wins with a power bomb at 14 minutes. Huge high energy from two big men, and a standing ovation even after the previous four hours drain the crowd."

"Experience would be the edge. I think Williams also has the strength and endurance. Hugh would not be able to come up with much and Dr. Death would take this one."

"Tough one to call. I think that Steve Williams powerful yet scientific style puts The Laughing Man away."

SYXX SQUEAKS BY MONDO!!!

Syxx barely survives the experienced Mondo Gurrerro by the count of 9-8!!! Some vote against Syxx out of dislike but others thought that Mondo would be too much against Syxx. In any event, even those that voted for Syxx thought that the nWo would get involved some way:

"Syxx wins with an assist from Scott Hall."

"Syxx can barely handle Eddy, let alone Mondo. Seen Mondo twice and could have kicked Eddy down like a bad habit...no contest for Mondo."

"Is Syxx alone? Syxx couldn't beat Barry Horowitz if he was alone, in fact, he couldn't beat Jacqueline (Miss Texas) if he were alone. The perfect match for Syxx is him VS. Stevie Richards."

TERRY TAYLOR TURNS "THE PRINCE" INTO A PAUPER!!!

In his 1985 form, Terry Taylor crushes Brian Christopher 17-4!!! While many think that Christopher is the future of pro wrestling, he would've gotten a wrestling lesson from Taylor:

"Yeah, I remember the rooster. But I also know that Taylor was indeed a skilled wrestler, so I see him coming out on top if he uses his heavier frame to his advantage."

"Yes this would be Christopher's biggest test and he passes with flying colors. Christopher by pinfall."

"Taylor would make Christopher look like one of Jerry's kids."

STING "STINGS" "THE ROCK"!!!

In another one-sided affair, Sting crushes Rocky Maivia by the score of 21-1!!! Even the one guy that voted for Rocky only did it out of pity:

"Maivia over Sting. I know Maivia's not gonna win..so I figured I'd vote for the poor stooge, just so he doesn't get shut out. Although I know Sting would wipe the mat with him."

"Sting of '88? Give me a break. Rocky would have his jock handed to him."

"Rocky couldn't beat Sting on his best day. Sting couldn't lose to Rocky on his worst day. Sting with the Scorpion DeathLock."

JIM GARVIN GETS BY "BUFF" BAGWELL!!!

The other Garvin brother fared better as "Gorgeous" Jimmy beat Marcus Bagwell by the count of 11-7:

"Battle of the pretty-boys. Power goes to Bagwell, but Garvin is a lot more sneaky. I'll take Garvin."

"Gorgeous Jimmy over Buff when Bagwell tries to hit on Precious and gets a face-full of hair spray."

"Buff is the most improved wrestler of 1997 but still he could not touch the skills of Garvin. Garvin takes this one."

"CAPT. REDNECK" MELTS DOWN "THE ANVIL"!!!

The departed but not forgotten Dick Murdoch gets a 18-4 victory over Jim Neihart. The toughman attitude plus experience in singles competition was just too much for Neihart:

"Anvil never was much of a singles competitor. I think Murdoch would take this one in a pretty short match."

"I don't think Neihart is really on the level of a Dick Murdoch at all. Easy win."

"Well, I'm partial to the old timers that have really been through the wars. This is not meant to discredit Neihart who's had some wars in his day, but I don't think he can take Captain Redneck."

VON ERIC VANQUISHES CRUSH!!!

Another long gone wrestler comes and takes his match decisivly as Kerry Von Eric defeats Crush by the score of 20-3:

"Come on, Kerry beat Flair back then."

"Size definitely goes to Crush. Heart and determination go to Kerry. Kerry was definitely a better wrestler. Crush is more of a brawler, but Kerry could brawl too. I'll take Kerry."

"It's all Kerry until the DOA arrives. Then Kevin, Mike, Chris, and any other Von Erich I can't remember. The match ends with Fritz and Kerry suplexing Crush on the floor, rolling him back in and Broncho Lubitch making the incredibly slow count to three."

Whew!!! Those were a lot of matches!!! I would like to thank everyone for participating and I invite you to vote on my next dream card "Horror Of War '98", which is coming soon. Also, look below for some other attractions:

Now Playing: Diary Of A "HitMan"

Coming Soon: Stylin' And Profilin': The Legend Of Ric Flair

Also Coming Soon: The Hart Foundation VS. Ole & Arn Anderson ("What-If" story)

If you have a question, comment, criticism, or just want to talk pro wrestling, e-mail me at mailto:griffiev@hotmail.com

Ervin Griffin Jr. is Solie's resident historian and also contributes to the Ringside Insider on a regular basis. Many of his previous articles are available in the Articles section of the Solie's web site.


I decided, since it was such a big hit last year, to republish my version of this famous Christmas poem...

A Christmas Poem

(With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore)

'Twas the night before Christmas and all round the ring.
Not a creature was stirring not a dad-blasted thing.
All the ring ropes were hung round the apron with care,
in hopes that the wrestling fans soon would be there.
The tickets were sold, the nachos were hot.
The vendors were ready - there were fights to be fought.
I sat in the office awaiting the action,
with visions of putting on a major attraction.

When out in the lobby there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my chair to see what was the matter.
Away up the aisle I flew like a flash,
jumping the barrier, avoiding the trash.
The worklight reflecting the newly washed mat,
gave a eerie pale glowing - or something like that...
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer..?

With a little old driver so lively and quick,
but who was wearing some tights and boots with soles thick.
He was ready for action, at least so it seemed,
he was older than dirt, he would likely get creamed.
But he was determined, a fight he would make,
and I figured he might be a match for the Snake.

Now the wrestlers arrived and before I could shout,
he was right in their faces, he was calling them out!
"Now, Piper! Now, Hogan! Now, Bubba and Benoit! On, Hitman!
On, Stone Cold! On, Nitro and on RAW!
From the top of the heap to the jobber on call,
I'll bust you all up, I'll take every fall!"

So up to the ring like the dickens they flew,
with Hollywood Hogan and Saint Nicolas too!
And then in a twinkling, I heard the bell sound,
the wrestlers went over the ring to surround.
It's a handicap match he shouted with glee,
"...the numbers are even, all of you against me!"

He was dressed in all fur, from his head to his foot,
and his clothes were all covered with ashes and soot.
He was really a mess but it made him look fierce,
as the entire arena his war-cry did pierce.
His movements so fluid, his chops were like lightning
When he bulked-up and posed, it was really quite frightning.

Hogan was up first, his feint was a ploy
as Santa said "You've been a very bad boy!"
Hulk tried to grab him, but his blows didn't land,
as bunches of fur came off in his hand.
Santa just sidestepped the Hulkster's mad rush,
then brought down a forearm, his hopes he did crush.
Then Stone Cold attacked, and was knocked on his can,
the Hitman was pummeled, Benoit turned and ran.
The Undertaker walked on the ropes then fell down,
the King was knocked out to the floor on his crown.

The Giant then slipped as he walked up the stairs,
Randy Savage went flying they were losing in pairs!
Ric Flair went "wooooo..." as he fell on his face
And Santa just laughed as he stepped up the pace.
Scott Hall was edged out, Kevin Nash just got creamed,
there were bodies all over, it was like a bad dream...
He was everywhere at once, he moved like a flash,
he gouged this one's eyes and that one he splashed.

He handled them all with the greatest of ease,
Then he looked at the time, and collected his fees.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
and giving a nod, to the top rope he rose.
He said "Oh goodness! I've got to be gone."
"I've a long night ahead" he said with a yawn.
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a shout,
the fight was all over, he'd layed them all out!
But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all..."

Anyway, that's the way I see it...

Earl Oliver,
editor Solie's Wrestling Newsletter


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