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Solie's Tuesday Morning Report

Monday Night Wars Edition

Volume 3, Issue 316 - May 18, 1998
Here is a letter from Ervin Griffin:


I have added a new story to my web site!!! It pits Bill Goldberg against "The Russian Nightmare" Nikita Koloff!!! Check it out!!!

See ya!! I am off to pray for graduation!!!

Ervin Griffin, Jr.

Check out Ervin's Pro-Wrestling Fan Fiction web site.

Nitro Report

We get a replay from last night of Scott Hall turning on his partner.

Live from Providence, Rhode Island - Eric Bischoff sits in the ring on a motorcycle wearing a crown. He rants about his "Television record" being 98 and 2 over the past 100 weeks. Then goes on to say that he "did what I can do" to try and get McMahon into the ring with him. Now it's time to move on. He thanks the crowd for supporting him They hate him, of course...

Mean Gene introduces the Nitro Grrrrls individually and they do their thing.

Saturn in a recorded interview calls Glacier a joke and a reject from a video game.

Saturn vs. Psychosis - Saturn backs his opponent into a corner and pummels him to start the match. As soon as Psychosis can take to the air he turns the tables. He sits Saturn on the corner buckle then drop-kicks him as he jumps off. He sets him up there again and drop-kicks him to the floor then throws a suicide dive to seal the deal. Back in the ring, he tries to continue the attack but gets cut short by a chicken wing suplex followed by the side-kick and a Death Valley Driver. The Rings of Saturn gain the submission victory for the Flock member.

More scenes from Slamboree as we return. Cut to Mean Gene in the ring who calls Roddy Piper to come down. Piper looks thoroughly harrassed as he enters the ring and says he never wants to be a referee again. He complains about how he was treated by Bret Hart, Liz and Savage. He erroneously states that Savage hit him with a weapon then calls Savage out to the ring. Savage comes down looking pretty pissed himself. Piper says he isn't the type who apologizes but admits he was wrong about what happened last night so he has decided to reverse the decision and disqualify Bret Hart for Hogan's interference and for his use of the weapon. Bret Hart comes out to demand that the decision stand and heads for the ring. Hollywood Hogan runs out and stops him to suggest they book a Tag match for the Great American Bash featuring Hogan/Hart vs. Savage/Piper. Sounds like "Fogies II" to me...cut to commercial.

More video from last night. This time they show an interview with Gene Okerlund and Dean Malenko. Malenko lets Mean Gene slide concerning his previous comments and then launches into a rant against Chris Jericho. Next we watch Jericho throw a tantrum in the backstage area. He looks completely broken up.

Damian vs. Juventud Guerrera - Juventud wins the first exchange but then gets overwhelmed by his opponent's considerable size advantage. The fight goes to the outside where Juvey gets slammed into the steps. Damien beats on him some more then takes the match back inside. Moments later Juvey turns the tables with a flying move but then climbs back to the top and gets knocked off and straddles the rope (ouch!). Damian then executes a move I haven't seen before which I don't even think I can describe. He has Juvey in position for a fisherman's suplex then drops to his knees. He fails to get the pin, however. Juventud manages a Juvey Driver then goes for a 450 splash and only gets a little of it. He jumps right up and drops an elbow to finish the job and takes the pin. Cut to commercial.

More Nitro Grrrrls...

They start to throw it to Mean Gene again but Goldberg's music starts to play so the forego Okerlund to allow th US Champ to make his entrance.

Goldberg vs. Glacier - US Title match - Glacier tries a martial arts attack but his opponent just shrugs off the kicks then flattens him. Glacier keeps trying but getting nowhere. Finally he manages to take him off his feet with a dropkick but Goldberg pops right up and then spears him. The rest is predictable.

Mean Gene introduces Diamond Dallas Page. DDP quotes Dick Murdock on how he does what he does and says the "why" of it is for the fans. He rants a little about Hogan and promises to get revenge for the things that have been done to him by the nWo over the last year or so. Cut to commercial.

Eric Bischoff leads the Hogan faction of the nWo down to the ring. The Giant and Rhodes are among them. Bret Hart is the last one to enter the ring and isn't wearing nWo colors. Hogan rants about how great he is...yatta, yatta...we've heard it all before... He then brings Scott Hall out. The other members applaud him as he enters the ring. Now Bischoff has the mic and calls Sting out to make his decision known. The Giant meets him in the aisle and jaws at him - Sting spits in his face and then turns his back to leave. The Giant attacks and punks him until Kevin Nash shows up with a lead pipe in hand. The Giant retreats as Nash helps Sting to his feet. So, they're turning Nash into a babyface. Fade to black...

RAW Report

Video clips from last week start the program. Vince McMahon stacks the deck against his Champion.

RAW is live tonight from from the Nashville Arena.

McMahon and his two favorite stooges come down to the ring. McMahon says that his "devastating clothesline" on RAW last week may have caused Steve Austin to suffer a concussion so he has decided to bar Stone Cold from the arena "for his own protection" - he contends that he and the old-timers might do Austin harm. We see video of Austin trying to get into the building. He is confronted by a diminuitive security man who asks Austin not to try to go in. Austin retreats to his truck for a brewsky. Vince brings Mick Foley out. Foley is dressed in a blue suit but still wears his white wrestling boots. The Dudester rants about his own changing appearance. He talks about Over the Edge being a night of dreams coming true and spins out a fantasy wherein he becomes the WWF Champion. Vince takes the mic again and invites Dustin Runnels to come down. Dustin is wearing a brace on his knee, the result of recent surgery. Vince berates him for throwing away the Goldust character. He proposes that Runnels face Foley tonight for a chance to be the number one contender with the proviso that if he loses he will work for free for the next 30 days. Dustin accepts immediately - in fact he attacks Foley! Patterson and Brisco fall on him and together with Foley they eject him from the ring.

In the garage area we see Jerry Lawler drive up in a limo and disembark with a figure under a blue blanket. The same security guy as before stops them and is allowed to see who is under the blanket. Lawler says the mystery person is here " take care of Austin or anyone else who messes with the King". They are allowed to go in as we cut to commercial.

As we return Lawler is trying to find his "guest". He locates him using the pay phone in the hallway.

Val Venis (I think it's some kind of processed cheese...) vs. 2 Cold Scorpio - the cheese man wears a towel around his waist. He enters the ring and does a Rick Rude style bump and grind before pulling off the towel to reveal a pair of tights. The match starts out slow - Scorpio outwrestles his opponent at first but then Venis bulls him into the corner and starts laying in some heavy shots. He puts his opponent down then pauses to bump and grind some more. It is again reminiscent of Rude. It looks like Scorpio is carrying this clown. Scorpio throws a twisting splash and almost gets a pin. Venis turns the tables with a belly-to-back but then he climbs the corner and gets caught there. Moments later Scorpio is ready for a moonsault but misses. Cheesy climbs the corner and hits a swan dive splash and gets the pin.

Backstage Austin is back. He is adamant about getting in this time. He assaults the security guy then uses his walkie-talkie to call for medical assistance before barging in the door. Cut to commercial.

Austin makes his entrance as we return. The Champ rants about how angry he is then demands that McMahon and his cronies come to the ring. He threatens to start tearing up video equipment until McMahon shows his face. Vinnie appears on the platform with Patterson and Brisco and they talk some trash. Then Austin says he wants a steet fight with all three of them. Vince demures, using his clothes as an excuse. He asks his companions if they want to take the match. Patterson and Brisco say, "Oh hell yes..." (in a manner of speaking). Vince says that "...we'll give you two out of three, but we just won't tell you which two." Austin says he'll whip whichever two of them wants to face him then we cut to commercial.

A make-up person is working on the person under the blanket. Lawler breaks that up saying, "it's not about you, it's about me..."

Sable is introduced and comes to the ring. She is wearing her patent leather outfit. She takes the mic and asks Marc Mero to come out. We get to see a replay of her humiliation of him as he approaches the ring. Somebody holds up a sign in the background that reads "Sable Raped Me" She starts out by telling him that they should part ammicably. He reminds her that they have a contract and asserts that he owns her. She says "I guess I have no choice (but I have a feeling she doesn't believe it...)

Marc Mero vs. Terry Funk - the match starts at ringside before Funk can get into the ring. He is pounded down then Mero goes back inside. Funk tries to enter but is knocked off the apron. Mero goes out and runs right into trouble (and the ringsteps). Back inside, Mero re-asserts control with punches and kicks. Then he rushes the corner and tastes Texas leather. Funk clothelines his man then starts pounding on him. The referee gets hit in the fight which gives Mero a chance to slip in his low-blow. He gets his TKO but Sable is distracting the referee. This allows Funk to recover sufficiently to adnminister a DDT and get the pin. Sable smirks as she flounces off the apron and leaves.

In the back, two police officers are with the battered security man and they're looking for Austin as we go the break.

The policemen approach Lawler and his blanketed friend. They assure themselves that the guy isn't Austin then continue their search.

LOD 2000 (w/o Sunny) vs. DOA (Chainz/Skull) - Animal pretty much creams Skull in the opening moves but Skull comes right back. He tags in Chainz who pounds on Animal then draws Hawk into the fight. Hawk turns the tables then tags his partner back in. Animal allows his opponents to make the exchange but maintains the advantage. The fight is going on both inside and out as 8-Ball runs in to make the switch with his twin. LOD are outsmarted again. Kevin Kelly tries to get a word with LOD but all they want to talk about is having a 6-Man match with a mystery partner against all three DOA guys. Cut to a promo for the MTV Celebrity Death Match (Thursday at 10). In the back we see Lawler with his mysterious companion then cut to commercial. I notice that the blanketed figure is wearing warm-up pants and wrestling boots.

We see video of the inside of a medical facility in Nashville where Paul Bearer and Kane are said to have undergone tests to prove paternity.

Lawlers music plays as we return. He leads the covered wrestler down the aisle then takes his place at the announcer's table. He hooks himself up then rants about the treatment he has received at the hands of UT and others. His "bodyguard" turns out to be Al Snow with the Head. Snow still wants to see McMahon. Lawler finds him a seat at ringside as Dude Love makes his entrance.

Dude Love vs. Dustin Runnels - Goldust is already in the ring and attacks Foley as he enters. Brisco and Patterson show up as the match gets under way. The fight goes to the outside and Dustin is run into the steps. Back in the ring, he gets the drop on his opponent as Stone Cold watches on a monitor in the back. Brisco distracts Dustin so that Dude can insert the Mandible Claw and gets the win. Poor Dustin...

In the back, the cops find Austin and arrest him as we go to the next commercial.

Stone Cold is still in the process of being arrested as we return. McMahon is there now and taunts Austin as they haul him away. So much for the street fight...

Kaientai attack the Headbangers before they can get to the ring and the next match is on. Togo and Teo are the opponents. At ringside, Al Snow is again demanding to see Vince. In the ring the Japanese contingent is badly outweighed and being outwrestled as well. Mosh and Thrasher throw them around like rag dolls. On the outside Yamaguchi is getting involved and turning the tide. In the ring Thrasher gets hit with a low-blow by Teo. This gives Kaientai their opening and they effectively doubleteam their man. Outside the ring, Mosh gets pulled off the apron and jacks his jaw. The next moment all three of the little guys are in the ring as Yamaguchi distracts the referee. Bradshaw and Taka Michinoku hit the ring and the match is thrown out. Cut to commercial.

We're back at the Briarville Medical Center watching Kane and Bearer get their blood tests.

Its time to send in the clowns - Dork-X makes their usual entrance. Waltman makes a speech, something about DX "got game". HHH does his tired Michael Buffer impression (can't this chump think of anything else to say - probably not) He follows it up with a crude sexual drum metaphor - same lame schtick. The Road Dog then does hisusual (equally tired) intro. Clearly McMahon is too busy to write any new material for these guys. They rant a little on the NOD before the objects of their derision make their entrance. Maivia has some new music. The whole process breaks down as all nine or so of these people start a melee. They are still in a state of confusion as we cut to commercial.

New Age Outlaws vs. Owen Hart/Rockie Maivia - the match has sorted out to the Tag Title match as we return. Everybody else has been removed from ringside except Chyna. The Rock is making mincemeat out of Jesse James. He hands it over to Owen who continues in the driver's seat. The Dog finally turns it around and tags in Billy. Billy promptly throws away the advantage. Maivia is tagged in and the match see-saws. Owen comes in and immediately bloodys the Road Dogs ear with his teeth. Maivia comes back in and Jesse's in trouble. Owen and Billy get into a brawl on the outside as Chyna jumps onto the apron. As she distracts the referee, Faarooq runs in and puts Owen away so the Dog can pin him. At ringside Al Snow is questioning the Head about why he hasn't been granted his audience with McMahon. More clips from the medical center are followed by a shot of Austin in the back of a police car then we cut to commercial.

In the back, Austin is being released after offering a mock apology to the security guy - right...that's the way the justice system works - assault someone and get turned loose for the price of an apology...oh what the hell - if Sting and Luger can steal a police car - why not..?

In the ring, a medical doctor (maybe) comfirms that Paul Bearer is Kane's father. Paul grabs the mic from Kevin Kelly and declares that UT's mother was a "two-bit whore". The Undertaker hits the ring with a vengence. He prevails for a moment then is blindsided by Kane. Vader runs in to save his bacon. UT takes off chasing Paul Bearer as Kane and Vader brawl in the ring. Kane is knocked to the floor but lands on his feet as we cut to commercial.

Paul Bearer repeats his charge on video as we return. Then we cut to the back to the dressing room where Austin is lacing up his boots.

Pat Patterson/Jerry Brisco vs. Steve Austin - Street Fight rules - Sgt. Slaughter is the referee for this one. The two legends waddle to the ring then Austin makes his entrance. Slaughter attacks Austin before the bell rings. Brisco holds the Champ while Patterson hits him with a set of brass knucks. Austin comes right back and shreds the opposition. He ends up Stunning both os them, then Slaughter tries to put on a Cobra Clutch but he gets Stunned as well. Dude Love hits the ring and the fight goes to the outside where a masked stranger gets involved, first attacking Foley then hitting Austin with a chair. The masked man turns out to be McMahon who shoves the Champ off and into the waiting Mandible Claw of Foley. It is chaos as we fade to black...

Well, no contest tonight...

At least that's the way I see it...

Earl Oliver
Editor, Solie's Wrestling Newsletter

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