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Solie's Tuesday Morning Report: EXTRA

Volume 1, Issue 32
August 22, 1996

Mankind Interview with Jim Ross on AOL

IN THE LINE OF FIRE

TARGET: MANKIND

SPECIAL ASSIGNMENT REPORTER: JIM ROSS

To be quite honest with you, I don't know why Mankind has this fascination with me, folks. I interview him just like I would interview any other World Wrestling Federation superstar. Nothing different, honest. No favoritism nothing. But yet, when he has something to say, the only one he'll talk to is me. You figure.

Anyway, at the request of the editor, I was given the assignment to get the latest word from Mankind. Of course, Mankind elected to have the interview conducted in the dampest, darkest, dingiest cellar that he could find, but as a journalist, my job isn't to pick pretty settings its to get the answers.

So, here goes:

ROSS: Hello, Mankind.

MANKIND: Jimmy, is that you?

ROSS: Um, yes it is, Mankind. Im here for that interview.

MANKIND: Jimmy, are you having a nice day?

ROSS: Yes, I am.

MANKIND: Its a beautiful day, isn't it? I can even hear the bird singing all the way down here in the bowels of the earth. Can you hear it too, Jimmy?

ROSS: Yes, I can. But lets get to the matter at hand, the interview. Now, Mankind, details have been extremely sketchy concerning your childhood at this point. Would you care to take the time to elaborate more on your upbringing?

MANKIND: I have very vivid memories of my childhood, Jimmy. I usually don't talk about my childhood very much, but I look in your eyes, and I know I can trust you... to keep my secrets. I don't think my childhood was deprived. I remember beautiful music and lots of visitors. The truth was that I could not be controlled, and what Mommy did was for my own good. Isolation is a good thing. And now that Im out and I see how terrible a place the world is, I realize that Mommy was just trying to protect me. But there's only so much that a mothers love can do, and now its Mankind's time to end the suffering.

ROSS: Well, Mankind, can you be more specific? What exactly did Mommy do?

MANKIND: She displayed a mothers love. The strongest bond that there is between a mother and a son. And I have to believe that somewhere she's very proud of her little boy.

ROSS: Well... um... OK. Now, Mankind, in the past you have spoken about the beautiful music and the piano. Exactly what significance have the two had on your life?

MANKIND: Do you like the music they play after I made my opponent suffer, Jimmy?

ROSS: Well, its not exactly my cup of tea, but it is rather soothing to the ear.

MANKIND: I wrote that music, Jimmy. I was 10 years old when I wrote that piece of music. Ten years-old when I played it for the first time. And I looked out in the audience, and I saw a tear running down my mother's face. I dont think Id ever seen her looking more beautiful. The next day I took a hammer and broke every finger on my hand... save two. I remember my mothers face when she walked in and saw my flesh hanging from my bones, knowing that I would never touch the ivories again. I never saw a look quite so horrible. To tell you the truth, Jimmy, Im not sure which look I enjoyed more.

ROSS: Well, heck, why did you save two fingers? Why didn't you just go all the way?

MANKIND: Have you ever tried to break all your fingers with a hammer, Jimmy?

ROSS: No, no, I can't say I have.

MANKIND: After a while it becomes very difficult to swing when all the fingers are broken. So, there came a time when it was just physically impossible to break all 10 fingers. I tried, believe me, I tried. I even had the hammer in my mouth!

ROSS: Did you use that very same hammer to disfigure your face?

MANKIND: Maybe you shouldnt pry that deeply, Jimmy. Maybe there are some areas in my life that Mankind does not feel comfortable discussing! Or, maybe some people don't have the right to know!

ROSS: All right, settle down. Do you mind if I ask you why you pull the hair out of your head?

MANKIND: I wasn't aware that I did that, Jimmy.

ROSS: Well, you do. But anyway, let me ask you this: Do you consider yourself SANE and others INSANE?

MANKIND: Well, sure.

ROSS: In other words, Mankind is... NORMAL?

MANKIND: In other words, most people drifting throughout the world that I see have no goals in mind. They have no plan. Mankind has a master plan that has yet to be revealed, and believe me, the Undertaker is just step one. I'm as sane as they come. Its all the rest of the people that need to wake up and realize that they must be accountable for their own lives!

ROSS: Why did you choose the Undertaker as step one?

MANKIND: Jimmy, what I dont understand is why these people can't understand that Mankind is doing the Undertaker a favor. The Undertaker has become weak... soft. Mankind needs to toughen up the Undertaker before I destroy him. It does me absolutely no good to destroy a weak-willed Undertaker. Remember this, Jimmyin every act that I've ever committed against the Undertaker, I have let him go because of my own mercy and my own love. Now, there will come a day when that mercy and love cease to exist, but until that time I need the Undertaker to be as powerful as hes ever been. To be meaner than hes ever been. To be stronger than hes ever been... and he's not quite there yet!

ROSS: Mankind, will there ever come a point in time when you will be at peace with yourself?

MANKIND: To tell you the truth, I feel kind of foolish, Jimmy, coming into the World Wrestling Federation sulking and whining. I never knew what truly made me happy, and the truth is... suffering makes me happy. Not my own because I've had enough of that, but the Undertaker's. Until I felt his form grow weak beneath my grasp, I never knew what ecstasy was. I have a feeling that if I hurt enough people and prove myself, then I will be at peace with myself, and nobody will ever have to run in fear from Mankind again.

ROSS: But, Mankind, when does all the hurting stop?

MANKIND: Im not sure, because I enjoy it so. It will stop when Mankind stops, and that is the only thing that you have in your favor, Jimmy. That it is my destiny to destroy myself. It is all of mankinds destiny to destroy ourselves!

ROSS: Well, Mankind, Im sorry you feel that way.

MANKIND: Jimmy, just one more thing.

ROSS: What's that, Mankind?

MANKIND: Have a nice day.

ROSS: Thank you. You have a nice day too.

Copyright 1996 America On Line

Hmmmm...spooky!

Anyway, that's the way I see it...

Earl Oliver,
editor Solie's Wrestling Newsletter


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This page is a personal tribute and is in no way connected to any of the wrestling promotions mentioned on it. It is dedicated to the Dean of Wrestling announcers, Gordon Solie.

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