It's high time for another big wrestling quotes list, I think, and what better place to debut it than Solie's? These are some great quotes, and I've tried to get a good sampling from throughout the years.
If you know some more good ones, tell me about them. I'll keep adding to the list.
54) "He done laid his tired ass out! Um...sorry, folks at home." Dusty Rhodes
53) "Please vote for salt and pepper." Non-English speaking Ultimo Dragon at the MTV / WCW Video Grudge Match.
52) "I saw this little kid sitting on the curb crying his eyes out. I said "Kid, where's your mama?" The kid said "I don't wanna live with my mama, she beats me." I said "What about your daddy?" He said "I don't wanna live with him, he beats me, too." I said "Well, kid, who do you want to live with?" He said "I want to live with the Armstrongs, because they don't beat anybody!" Downtown Bruno
51) "Make the Mella Yella move!" Dusty Rhodes' brief career as a soft drink spokesman
50) Lord Alfred Hays: "What's THAT?" Gorilla Monsoon: "Some kind of under-the-arm piledriver." During an Adrian Adonis match, apparently the first time either of them ever saw a DDT.
49) "The way Tatanka sees it, to make it to the top in the World Wrestling Federation, Tatanka will be successful!" Tatanka's Euro-techno song "Tatanka Native American"
48)"He's not quick, he's sudden." Gordon Solie
47) "AAAAAAAARRH!" Glacier's mike work at the beginning of each of his matches.
46) "Shut up." The Rock.
45) "Do you know where you are? You're in the jungle, baby!" Sting to Scott Hall, Hall's second week in WCW.
44) "The only thing for sure is that nothing's for sure." The last thing Sting said for a long, long time.
43) "I'm gonna take your bones to make my bread! Your body, heart, and soul are mine, forever!" The Giant.
42) "I like to hurt people." Ox Baker
41) "What's a Chicago street fight?" Lex Luger to Sting, after the Road Warriors challenged them to one.
40) "Hogan...you're bleeding..." Roddy Piper, in a dramatic scene with the fallen Hulkster when Andre the Giant turned on Hogan prior to Wrestlemania 3.
39) "Hush-ha-ha-ha-ha." Meng's dialogue throughout all of his matches. Also heard as "Oh S * * * * * * * * t."
38) "Woman oh Woman won't ya marry me now!" Ric Flair, about a thousand times.
37) "So who's gonna win that one?" David Letterman, grilling Vince McMahon regarding Wrestlemania IV.
36) "He must be a fan of the Sacramento Kings." Jim Ross, explaining away the WWF King crown on Harley Race's trunks at an NWA Clash of the Champions.
35) "They're literally hanging from the rafters!" Gorilla Monsoon
34) "My name's Oscar, that's Mabel, that's Mo! And we're here to let you all know that we're playing no jokes and we're playing no games! We're kickin' butt and we're takin' names! We're takin' titles! That's a fact! Men on a Mission is the ultimate act!" MOM rap
33)"I want to be the first wrestler who ever stayed retired." Gorilla Monsoon.
32) "What the f***?" Mean Gene live at Summerslam when the SS sign fell down behind him.
31) "You ever see somebody suplex a trout?" Bobby Heenan on the badly named fisherman's suplex.
30) "You are no competition to the powers we possess, in Hulkamania, in Warrior Wildness, and Ariba Derchi!" Ultimate Warrior, improvising a name for Tito Santana's fans.
29) "YEEEEAARRRGGHHH!" The Patriot, as he executes high impact moves.
28) " "I got a surprise for everybody in the ECW Arena! I'm sober! SURPRISE!" Blue Meanie
27) "We are the Nation, live and in color! Don't dis the man or we'll bum rush your mother! Listen what I'm sayin', it's for real, not playin'! Faarooq is the man, so hit your knees and start prayin'! Strong like the man, but quick like the cat, put 2 and 2 together, feel your face on the mat! You count the stars while the ref counts 3, hope you like to look at ceilings 'cause that's all you're gonna see!" JC Ice, the Nation of Domination rap
26) "Be cool." Glacier's clever catch phrase, unfortunately said only once and then abandoned.
25) "Time fears only the pyramids and the legends of professional wrestling!" Larry Zbyszko at the first Slamboree.
24) "I want YOU to want ME!" Cheap Trick, live at Budokan. Later, Chris Jericho
23) "Russia gives us Nikolai Volkoff, and we give them MTV and 2 Live Crew. Fair trade, huh?" Roddy Piper
22) "Why don't you go back to the missus and do the dishes?" Ric Flair to Ricky Steamboat.
21) "Are you ready for some intellectual intercourse? Then I'm about to Jackyl off all over this crowd!" Jackyl
20) "If you think I'm afraid of the steel cage...YOU'RE RIGHT! Please God, don't make me go into the cage!" Stevie Richards
19) "I just saw a 6-year-old kid give me the finger! Who taught you to do that?!" Dude Love
18) "Kick him! Kick him! Kick him like a dog!" David Crockett, NWA announcer
17) "You're gonna get it, Brutus. Shake, rattle, and roll! I don't care if I have to backstroke up the Mississippi!" Honky Tonk Man
16) "Hulk Hogan, you can go to hell!" Tony Schiavone, the night the nWo was born
15) "Get me some competition!" Mr. Perfect
14) "I think it's time the fans accepted Tommy [Dreamer] for the sweet, sensitive guy he can be, not this guy who's trying to hurt me, then he dragged the hardcore outta me, because I am hardcore." Cactus Jack
13) "Boys, they broke somethin' in me!" Col. Parker after the Rhodes family and the Nasty Boys beat the ungodly crap out of him at War Games
12) Bam Bam Bigelow: "You're gonna be my partner, right?" Taz: "No, I'm gonna be your savior!"
11) "Brother, if you're looking for a full length action packed adventure, I've got a full length movie for you. Me kickin' your ass from beginning to end!" The new potty mouth on the Ultimate Warrior (at least we understood him then).
10) "Why does IRS wear slacks and a tie and Dibiase doesn't even wear a shirt?" the comedian who used to co-host RAW
9) "I've said it time and time again, what we cannot do is throw coffee." Dave Letterman, after the Andy Kaufman vs. Jerry Lawler incident
8) "I can tear a telephone directory in two. Imagine what I can do to you. Oooooh." Exotic Adrian Street
7) "Any woman that will beat me--as an extra prize, she will get to MARRY me!" Andy Kaufman
6) "From the twisted steel section of Dudleyville, 25 and 3/8 inches of the largest arms in the world, attached to the man that last night took such liberties with your mother, that he is now recognized as your father in 17 states, the gargantuan known as Big Dick Dudley!" Joel Gertner
5) "F*** Everybody" What Roddy Piper is really saying on his touching and heartfelt WWF Wrestling Album track, "For Everybody."
4) "Just walk away. Find something else to do. Because the life you save may be your own!" Arn Anderson
3) "Hogan, you're gonna die in Andre the Giant's arms tomorrow night!" Bobby Heenan, introducing Cutting Crew's "I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight" on Friday Night Videos before Wrestlemania 3
2) "Those Doritos haunted me and they called me, until I couldn't resist anymore! For God's sakes man, don't you know I have an eating disorder?!" Cactus Jack to Mikey Whipwreck
1) "We snack on danger! We dine on death! And dead men don't make money!" The Road Warriors
Joe Crowe is a comedian and writer based in Birmingham, Alabama, and a regular contributor to Solie's newsletter. He would like to remind everyone that Ricky Steamboat still rules (when he's not litigating...)
Live from the Baltimore Arena, the Great American Bash is on the air. We get a review of the situation between Chris Benoit and Booker T to start.
Booker T vs. Chris Benoit - Final best of seven rematch - the initial exchange is fast and furious. Both men are at the top of their game. Booker is said to be injured from the match on Thursday but isn't showing the effect of it yet. Then he gets tossed to the outside and the limp is slight but noticable. Back in the ring, Benoit grabs a hammer lock but Booker reverses it and takes his opponent to the mat. We can expect a lot of mat wrestling from him to keep the pressure off his knee. Benoit escapes and reverses the hold again but Booker hip tosses him off. Booker goes for an early pin but only gets one. The match is heating up again when Benoit executes the Dragon-screw leg takedown. Booker is feeling it and it is obvious. After the next takedown, Benoit goes for a pin and gets a two-count. It is all Benoit now but he can't pin his opponent yet. He settles into a reverse chinlock. Booker fights his way to his feet, they criss-cross then Benoit chops him down. A snap suplex gets him another two-count. Booker is whippd viciously into the corner and is down again. Booker is still in it but he is losing ground. Benoit goes back to the reverse chinlock with his opponent lying on the mat. Back on his fight Booker escapes again but his laid out by a knee to the gut. A forearm shot puts Booker out of the ring. He rolls back in and back into his opponent's control. Benoit keeps trying to get the pin. Both men seem determined to end this match as soon as possible.
Benoit puts on a modified surfboard but can't hold it long. Booker escapes and gets an atomic drop on the rebound - he also re-injures his knee. Benoit is right back up and turns the tables quickly. He goes for a Crippler Crossface but Booker reaches the ropes and counters it. Benoit goes back to the reverse chinlock. Booker fights out of it and throws a surprise back round kick to take the advantage. He follows up with a sidewalk slam. He downs Benoit again then climbs to the top - but Benoit is up and catches him there. Benoit gets the superplex and now both guys are down and out of it. Benoit recovers and tries for a pin but fails. Benoit stalks his man and gets a series of two German suplexes then goes for a third but is blocked - he switches to a full-nelson suplex. Then stands Booker up and chops him down. He climbs the corner and hits the swan dive headbutt. Both are down again. Benoit recovers but fails the pin again.
Benoit gets another suplex then Booker responds with a surprise spinning round kick followed by a missle drop-kick to get the pin. Booker will face Fit Finley for the Title tonight!
Chavo Jr. is back in the internet chat area - he is saying that Eddie has convinced him that he was wrong and insists that Eddie does want to fight him tonight.
Saturn vs. Kanyon - this was supposed to be Raven vs. Kanyon but Raven decided that Saturn should take it. The former Mortis comes down with his old music playing and dressed as Mortis. No - I'm wrong - that's a ringer. Kanyon has slipped into the ring behind Saturn. He gets the early advantage by dint of this deception. He dominates the first several exchanges. Kidman tries to enter the ring and is leveled. Also Lodi -but who cares..? Saturn is knocked from the ring but takes the advantage as he re-enters. Now it is all Saturn until he jams his shoulder into the ring post. Horace is waved to the ring by Lodi - Kanyon is knocked out to the floor where the Flock gangs up on him. Nick Patrick comes out and orders then away from the ring area. Back in the ring, the damage has been done to Kanyon. He is taking it. He escapes but is caught almost immediately - Saturn continues to dominate.
The next moment, Kanyon gets loose and springboards onto his opponent. Both guys tumble out to the floor. Saturn recovers first and throws a chair into the ring. He uses it to springboard onto his opponent in the corner. Next he pulls off a very unusual move - a combination springboard off the chair followed by a moonsault off the top rope. Kanyon comes back with a Russian leg sweep but doesn't have the where-with-all to follow up. Patrick gets rid of the chair. Saturn grabs a reverse chinlock. Kanyon esccapes momentarily but Saturn has him down again with a suplex - which hurts his own neck. Both are down. Saturn recovers again and grabs an inside cradle. No cigar. A backslide gives a similar result. Kanyon is up and hitting back. Saturn is down. Kanyon whips him and then gets him into a fireman's carry - then does a modified fall away slam only face first. Both guys are sucking wind at this point. This has been a great match thus far. Kanyon is trying to go for a Flatliner but he can't quite pull it off. Saturn recovers and tries for a Death Valley Driver but also can't get it. He settles for a side kick. They struggle to the top corner and both fall off to the floor. Kanyon falls hard.
The Mortis clone returns, then there is a second one! They start fighting each other!!! The actual competitors are still down. Back in the ring, Saturn mounts the corner and launches himself - but Kanyon has him scouted and catches him in the Flatliner and gets the pin. One of the Mortis' grabs him as he leaves the ring and DDT's him. It's Raven! Raven enters the ring and berates his friend for losing the match. Then says, "never mind - it's no big deal" then changes his tune. "I'm sick of you" he says and sics the Flock on Saturn. Saturn takes some of them down and escapes.
Two great matches so far.
Now we get a replay of what happened with Dean Malenko on Thursday. He gave up his Title belt to JJ Dillon is order to get a match with Chris Jericho tonight.
Chris Jericho vs. Dean Malenko - Cruiserweight Title match - the belt has been held up by Malenko's choice so neither man comes in as the Champion for this one. Malenko is showing more then usual emotion as he makes his entrance. The match begins very fast - they both clothesline each other then Jericho gets a reverse kick. Malenko is down but recovers almost immediately and throws a German release suplex. Malenko pounds his opponent into the corner like a madman. His eyes are blazing - he really seems to be insensed. It proves to be his undoing as Jericho catches him in an error and reverses the field. Jericho's advantage is shortlived as Malenko comes roaring back. He seems to be calming down now - he is much more methodical as he grabs a surfboard. Jericho is screaming in pain. Chris escapes with a mule kick but Malenko is right on him. Jericho is whipped to the opposite corner and connects with his head. But somehw he has the presense of mind to get out of the way as Malenko rushes in. Malenko's baseball slide connects with the pole. Jericho drags him to the center and puts on a standing verticle suplex. He follows up with a sleeper. Malenko fights to escape then gets a sleeper of his own. Jericho uses a belly-to-back suplex to escape. Jericho is back in control.
He starts to get distracted by the crowd and allows Malenko to recover. Malenko takes him to the corner, roughs him up, then bulldogs him with a handfull of hair. Now they are on the opposite corner and Malenko is trying to get his super-gut-buster - but Jericho reverses the advantage and gets a superplex instead. Both guys are down for a six count then Jericho fails to get the pin. Malenko almost gets a pin but Jericho reverses it to a Boston Crab. Malenko struggles to the rope and the ref wants a break. Jericho thinks he's won but the ref disabuses him of that notion. Jericho goes back to work and tries for the Liontamer but Malenko reverses the field. Jericho comes back but now Malenko shifts the balance point and gets the Texas Cloverleaf! But Jericho reaches the rope and esapes. He knocks Malenko down then starts to insult his father again! Malenko loses it and is all over his opponent. They go to the outside and Malenko uses a chair. The ref ends the macth by DQ and the two combatents brawl right up the aisle. They head to the backstage area and the camera follows them as they continue to brawl right out of the building to the parking lot!!! Malenko is controlling things as they approach the street. Doug Dellenger finally separates them - Jericho runs across the street and disappears into a building.
Jericho wins the match by disqualification.
Back in the internet position, Eddie Guerrero pleads with his nephew not to go through with the fight tonight.
The announcers are trying to tell us that they think Jericho is the Cruiserweight Champ. Not by my reading of any rulebook... I guess we'll find out tomorrow night.
Tribute video on Juventud Guerrera.
Juventud Guerrera vs. Reese - David vs. Goliath seems like a better way to describe this match. Juvey is giving away about 300 pounds in this one. Tenay says it is the largest size descrepancy in any match in Pro-Wrestling history. Maybe... Guerrera says a prayer before engaging the giant. Reese charges the corner but Juvey ducks. It happens again. Guerrera flies right at him but has zero affect. He gets smart and rolls out of the ring. Reese follows him out then tries to re-enter. Juvey does a modified baseball slide to fend off his opponent but then throws a suicide dive and is caught on the fly. Juvey starts attacking the knees and finally has some success. He mounts the corner and jumps on the back of his opponent. By biting and scratching he puts Reese down to one knee. But then the big guy just falls on him. A back breaker is applied then Juvey is stretched on Reese's knee. The big guy beals him out of the corner with authority. Juvey is reeling but still trying to get to his feet. Now a bear hug is applied and Juvey is shaken like a rag doll. Juvey finally kicks the giant in the groin twice to gain a temporary advantage but it is fruitless. Reese puts on a huge standing suplex. The ref starts a ten count, but Juvey is up at eight. Reese leaves the ring and gets a chair. He tries to use it but the referee grabs it out of his hand. Van Hammer appears at ringside and, as Lodi distracts the referee, Hammer uses the chair on Reese! Juvey completes a Frankensteiner and gets the pin!!!
That match was much better then I expected. In fact this whole event has been solid so far.
Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero, Jr. - uncle vs nephew match for Chavo's freedom - Eddie wants to shake hands before the match but Chavo is having none of it. They exchange slaps as they face off. Eddie then goes right to work with chops but Chavo comes right back with chops of his own - and a backdrop. They struggle for position and Eddie comes out on top but then he is whipped into the corner and scrapes his shoulder on the turnbuckle. Chavo is all over his uncle. They go back to the center and Eddie is thrown piller to post then exits the ring. But Chavo goes out and brings him back. Eddie gets his opening as Chavo tries to re-enter the ring. Now it is all Eddie as he starts to work on the left arm. Chavo finally escapes and backdrops his uncle. They struggle on the apron with Chavo holding the edge. During the next exchange Chavo is dumped to the floor. Eddie follows him out and runs him into the steps. Chavo is rolled back in and Edduie is stalking him. He gets the brainbuster but doesn't take the pin. He leans over his opponent who grabs him by the throat! Chavo gets back to his feet still holding Eddie's throat and the ref pulls him off. Eddie abandons the ring and is chased around by his nephew. Eddie re-enters the ring and tries to hide behind the ref but it's a ploy. He blindsides his opponent and goes to work on his knee. A figure four furthers the injury. He then puts on a "Gory Special" back breaker. Chavo escapes with a hiptoss but can't follow up. Eddie out-maneuvers him then applies a camel clutch. Chavo won't submit so Eddie pounds on his back then grabs anothert form of back breaker. Still no submission. Eddie slams Chavo twice but then gets levered over the top to the floor. Chavo dives onto his uncle then rolls him back into the ring. The crowd stars chanting "We Want Flair!!" Now Chavo has the upper hand. He slams Eddie and goes to the top. But Eddie is playing possum and catches him there . Chavo reinjures his knee coming down. Eddie goes back up for the Frog Splash and misses!! Chavo comes back with a springboard DDT and gets the pin. Chavo is a free man!!
The announcers are talking about the tag match coming up between Hogan/Hart vs Savage/Piper then show us some taped footage on the build up.
Booker T vs. Fit Finley - TV Title match - Booker gets the quick start and dominates the opening moments. Then Finley comes back with his more methodical style. He turns the tables momentarily then the match see-saws. Booker knocks Finley to the ground then dives onto him and hits him hard. Back in the ring Booker tries to continue his assault but Finley cuts it short with a sidewalk slam. he goes to work on Booker's previously injured leg then slaps on a half-crab. Clearly this match will be no walk in the park for Booker. Finley switches to a spinning toe hold and then bars the leg. Booker kicks him off but Finley is relentless. He drags the leg over and smashes it against the apron from the outside. Finley has the advantage here of being able to be disqualified if he wants and still retaining the Title. Back in the ring they rush into the corner where Booker T throws his twisting Sunset Flip and almost gets the pin. Finley is right back on the knee with another submission hold. He wraps the leg around his own neck and then stands up with Booker face-first on the mat. Booker escapes and unloads with a series of forearm smashes. Finley absorbs the blows and goes right back to the knee. Now he scissors the injured leg and punishes it some more. The fight goes out to the floor where Finley continues his relentless assault.
Back in the ring, Finley is still in control. He starts stomping on Booker's hands then bodyslams him. He lauches a bomb maneuver off the second rope but then loses his focus as he demonatrates his dominence to the fans. Booker is out of it and can't take advantage of this lapse. Finley is back on him in a moment. The crowd is chanting "Boring" but then Booker starts to come back. He gets a round kick then an ax kick - then Finley clotheslines him out of his boots. Finley goes for the Tombstone but Booker blocks it. They struggle again for position and Booker maneuvers him into a piledriver and gets the pin. Booker T is the new TV Champ!!
Stevie Ray comes down to celebrate with his brother as we go to the replay.
Konnan (w/Curt Hennig/Rick Rude) vs. Goldberg - US Title match - I expect this might be a good match. Konnan is under rated in my opinion and it would make sense for WCW to dictate a good solid defense for this pay-per-view event. Goldberg is introduced as being 99 and 0 - so this is the 100th match (according to WCW's screwy method of counting). The Goldberg chant is deafening as the Champ makes his entrance. Tony says "hello" to Goldberg's mom who is recovering from a broken hip and relates that to Goldberg's poosible motivation. Konnan takes the fight right to Goldberg and is thrown off. He rolls to the floor to regroup. Back in the ring, Goldberg grabs a headlock that Konnan can't get out of. Konnan attacks the legs but has no affect. He manages to sucker his opponent into the corner but then gets speared by his own momentum as he comes out. Goldberg points at Hennig, who is still ringside as he finishes off his opponent with the Jackhammer. After the match Hennig and Rude help Konnan up and then attack him!! As the Wolf Pack swarms, Hennig reveals that he is wearing the nWo Hogan colors under his Wolf Pack attire.
Bash at the Beach promo.
Michael Buffer announces the next event.
Hollywood Hogan/Bret Hart (w/the Disciple) vs. Randy Savage/Roddy Piper - Savage and Piper come out separately - not a good sign. Hart and Hogan come down together with the Disciple. Hart and Hogan look confident...Piper and Savage look tense. They can't seem to decide who will start the match. Finally Hogan starts against Piper. Piper spits at Hart before he goes after Hogan. Suddenly he calls time-out the attacks Hogan! He gets the drop on his opponent and backs him into the corner where Savage holds Hogan while Piper hits him. They tag and exchange roles. Then Piper is back in and all over Hogan. Savage is distracting the ref so that Piper can get in some illegal blows. Piper and Savage may have been running a number on all of us... They are tagging in and out and controlling Hogan until the Disciple hits Piper with the World Title belt. Hart tags in and goes to town on Piper. He is as crisp as ever and has Piper at an immediate disadvantage. Now Hogan comes in and he also dominates the Scotsman. Hogan and Hart are likewise functioning well as a team. Hart is back in and has Piper down so he can drill him off the second rope. The only problem on the Piper/Savage side is that Savage keeps trying to come in and thus distracting the referee. The other side manages the distraction as Savage and Piper get the tag but he doen't see it. Piper is still being isolated. He and Hart struggle in the center of the ring but Hart has a wide base. Hogan attacks from the outside but Savage comes around with a chair and drives him away. The ref is distracted by Hogan and doesn't see that Savage gets the chair onto Pipers stomach as Hart drops the headbutt on him. Piper gets the break and manages to tag Savage in. Savage is a house afire but he is being doubleteamed. Now all four are in and Savage has hurt his previously injured knee. Hogan and Disciple are attacking Piper on the outside as Hart gets the Sharpshooter on Savage and makes him submit.
Piper returns to the ring as Mean Gene tries to question him about his intentions. He waves Okerlund aside then helps Savage up. Savage attack him immediately and puts Piper down. He climbs the corner, bad knee and all and throws the big elbow. The ref gets knocked out as they continue to fight. Piper gets a figure-four but there is no ref. Mickey Jay runs down and accepts the submission from Savage. Piper seems bewildered after the victory as his music plays.
More Michael Buffer for the main event.
Sting vs. The Giant - winner to name his partner as the Tag Team Champions - the Giant puffs on a cigerette as he comes to the ring!! Sting wears both the red and black t-shirt and red face paint. The Giant continues to puff his ciggy as he approaches and blows smoke in Stings face. He gets slapped for his trouble. Sting explodes all over him and hangs him up in the corner then splashes him. He goes to the well again and gets a knee to the gut. Sting ducks the clothesline then doubles his momentum before a tackle attempt - no affect. The Giant drops him then drops an elbow on him. He spears Sting into the mat like a lawn-dart. Sting is motionless on the mat. The Giant picks him up and bearhugs him over his shoulder. Sting struggles then goes limp. He is lowered to the ground then applies the bellringer. He escapes momentarily then drop-kicks the bug guy's knee! He gets a Stinger splash then slams the Giant! He gets the Scorpion Deathlock but the Giant throws him off. He gets the Deathdrop but the Giant is right back up. The Giant goes for the chokeslam but his knee gives out. Sting Deathdrops him again and gets a two count. They struggle again and this time Sting levers himself onto the top turnbuckle - he delivers one more massive Deathdrop and gets the pin!! Sting will get to choose his partner and they will be the new Tag Team Champs.
But we won't get that decision before tomorrow night at Nitro.
That was a solid show from top to bottom.
At least that's the way I see it...
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