Volume 1, Issue 33
August 25, 1996
The Trials and Tribulations of the WWF's Golden Boy and Girl
Just a few thoughts on the mounting problems I see coming for the very bizarre Goldust.
Needless to say he hasn't gathered many allies among the ranks of the WWF. When your best friend is Mankind you definately have a problem.
Consider his relationship with Stone Cold Steve Austin for instance. They started out helping each other out. Each had an ax to grind with Savio Vega and a while back we saw the two of them interfere in each others' matches with the Carribean Legend.
Then came the RAW Invitational Battle Royal a few weeks ago. At one point Austin and Goldust seemed to be coordinating their attacks on Ahmed Johnson...but Goldust then held back while Austin continued to stomp on Ahmed. As Stone Cold turned away from Johnson, Goldust clobbered him. Moments later Ahmed eliminated the King of the Ring with Goldust's assistance.
But Johnson was injured and had to give up the Title shot he had earned in the RAW Invitational Battle Royale, so the Final Four Sudden-Death Battle Royale was scheduled.
Right away we saw Vega, Goldust and Austin team up to eliminate Psycho Sid (and each got chokeslammed for his trouble), then Goldust and Steve Austin turned their joint attention on Savio Vega. This time it was Austin who hung back while Goldy did his thing on Savio. When Goldust shifted his attention, Austin hit him hard, no doubt as payback for Goldust's betrayal in the earlier match. I see a heel vs. heel feud brewing there, especially if Goldust wins his match against Shawn Michaels on the Friday night RAW broadcast on the 6th of September. Imagine the target the very unpopular Goldust would become as the WWF Champion!
And the first challanger for his (hypothetical) newly won World Title would be his friend Mankind at the next In Your House. Now there is a Pay-Per-View event even I would pay to see!
Then there's the impending arrival of "The Stalker" Barrry Windham. Windham is apparently coming in as a face and has made it clear in his promo spots that his number one target will be Goldust. He likens the andogenous one to a "poisonous snake" (as opposed the the non-lethal kind, his friend Jake Roberts). Windham's challange to Dusty Rhodes' manchild would be formidable - these two know each other very well as fellow Texans and former Tag Team partners in the WCW.
At some point Ahmed Johnson will make his return and he will probabely be gunning for Goldust (between bouts against Ron Simmons).
So again, I see nothing but trouble coming for the Golden one in the immediate future. It couldn't happen to a nicer guy.
Sunny's Boys vs. Camp Cornette
Goldust isn't the only heel that has problems these days. Now Camp Cornette is gearing up to challange Sunny's Smoking Gunns for the Tag Team Titles (since their little set-to on last weeks RAW broadcast). Here is another match I'm really looking forward to.
Make no mistake about it, Owen Hart and the Brittish Bulldog present a definate problem for Sunny's boys. This is a challange the Smoking Gunns are likely to lose unless their manager can come up with some reinforcements. But guess what - Sunny doesn't have any friends in the WWF. She's made nothing but enemies at every turn. She has the Gunns and Faruuk Assad - hardly enough to stand up against Owen, Davey Boy and the man they call Vader. Who else is she going to enlist...the Burger King? To quote Gorilla Monsoon..."give me a break!"
Vince seems to be hitting his stride in his attempt to generate some interest to counter the WCW/NWO threat. With the scenerios unfolding above plus the impending Mankind/Undertaker (Angel?) feud, things are finally heating up in the WWF.
Now here's a treat...
An Interview from AOL with Mr. Perfect
EDITOR: First of all, Mr. Perfect, can you explain to the fans of the World Wrestling Federation the extent of your back injury? What is the history of the injury? Did it occur due to one instance or a series of instances? AND exactly how SERIOUS is SERIOUS?
MR. PERFECT: We all get injuries, let's face it. If you're in the World Wrestling Federation, that kind of goes with the territory. Injuries to the back, injuries to the elbows, injuries to the knees you've got to expect them. My back problem? It bothered me for a while, but I kept in shape and kept on top of it, so now it doesnt bother me that much anymore. I had some bulging of disks along with a broken tailbone, but as of right now, I feel pretty good!
EDITOR: So, what are you saying? Are you saying that you are healthy enough to perhaps make a PERFECT return to the squared circle?
MR. PERFECT: First of all, it's nobody's business what Im doing! I said Im retired, and yeah, Im DEFINITELY retired from wrestling! Everybody, everywhere I go, all they ask is Mr. Perfect, when are you coming back? When are you getting in the ring? I mean, its obvious that the fans of the World Wrestling Federation miss the great talent that Mr. Perfect possesses! But I'll tell you right now straight up YEAH, I'm retired from the ring BUT this is the World Wrestling Federation, and ANYTHING can happen!
EDITOR: Are you telling me that a man with your wrestling ability prefers commentating and consulting over competing?
MR PERFECT: Thats funny, did I say that? I mean, I didn't hear myself say that!
EDITOR: Yeah, but...
MR. PERFECT: Yeah, but nothing, EGGHEAD! The bottom line is that a guy like me has got to be around wrestling. Ive got to be a part of it in some way, shape or form. For now, commentating satisfies me, and Im much needed as a consultant. But who knows what the future may hold for Mr. Perfect?
EDITOR: Would you say that you see much of yourself in your proteg Hunter Hearst-Helmsley? I mean, is he the closet thing to Perfect that we will ever see?
MR. PERFECT: As far as wrestling goes, yes, Hunter Hearst-Helmsley very much resembles Mr. Perfect. He takes his time in the ring, he's precise, calculating and can be aggressive when he needs to be. He also knows when to get in and when to get out of the ring, thats the whole art of wrestling. To me, thats what it takes to be a perfect wrestler.
EDITOR: What are your comments regarding current World Wrestling Federation Champion Shawn Michaels?
MR. PERFECT: Many of the fans out there know that Shawn Michaels and I traveled down the highway quite a bit together when he was just a 19- or 20- year-old kid. So, I have the right to say that I probably taught that kid everything he knows about wrestling. But take this for what its worth, I didnt teach him everything I know!
EDITOR: How do you think the New Generation of the World Wrestling Federation stacks up against the Federation at the time when you were in your prime?
MR. PERFECT: First of all, in case you didnt notice, Im STILL in my prime. If you're asking me how the Federation today stacks up against the Federation of the late 80s or early 90s, I would have to say that I think they stack up rather equally, with a slight advantage going to this New Generation. The athletes are just getting bigger, better and stronger. Today, its a faster-paced wrestling. I think its much more entertaining!
EDITOR: Looking back at your career, who would you say was your toughest opponent?
MR. PERFECT: No doubt Id have to say Bret Hit Man Hart. At that time and even still today he possesses many of the same qualities that I do. He's a second generation wrestler, were about the same age and were both always striving for the same thing - to be the best that we possibly can be. It was and still is chemistry.
EDITOR: If you had to pick the most memorable moment from throughout your entire wrestling career, what would that be?
MR. PERFECT: When my father (Larry "The Ax" Hennig) and I defeated the Road Warriors in the AWA (American Wrestling Alliance) many years ago. To be a professional wrestler is one thing, but to be a second generation wrestler with the opportunity to wrestle alongside your father is something completely different. Just to have the opportunity to walk through the curtain with him was something that I'll never forget. In fact, we were no doubt the greatest father-son team in the history of the sport. With his strength and my quickness and agility, we had all corners covered!
EDITOR: How do you feel about those wrestlers, some who were even your peers at one time, who seem to be unable to walk away from the spotlight even though their time has obviously passed? I mean, if you are indeed retired, you seemed to have experienced no problem in being able to walk away from the glory - out of the spotlight so to speak.
MR. PERFECT: Its very simple. Maybe thats part of the reason that I walked away when I did. Id rather have walked away when I was on top of my game than be looked upon as some kind of fossil. I dont know why these wrestlers still hang on. Maybe its a sickness that was born down deep within their souls, and they just can't get rid of it. They have to be a part of it! I guess I can understand that, but in my opinion, you have to be able to pull yourself away and say Ive had enough. The bottom line is that I don't need to be in the spotlightit just happens that no matter what I do or what I say, I'm in it!
EDITOR: Mr. Perfect, after all these years, has any of the luster rubbed off?
MR. PERFECT: None whatsoever. Throughout my entire life I've never had any flaws. I've still never even had a cavity in my mouth! From head to toe, I'm simply Perfect.
End of interview.
(Editor's Note: These AOL interviews are invariably shot full of misspellings and flawed punctuation. I have tried to correct them all but if I missed some its only because there were so many of them.)
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This page is a personal tribute and is in no way connected to any of the wrestling promotions mentioned on it. It is dedicated to the Dean of Wrestling announcers, Gordon Solie.
Copyright 1996 - Jump City Productions