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Solie's Tuesday Morning Report

Monday Night Wars Edition

Sunday Night Heat

Nitro Report

Chris Benoit/Saturn win the Tag Straps
after Flair screws Benoit!

Kanyon joins Page and Bigalow after the match

RAW Report

Vince McMahon is the Higher Power (yawn...)

Linda M names Steve Austin as the New WWF CEO!!!

Volume 4, Issue 470 - June 7, 1999

Sunday Night Heat

The video montage illustrates the ongoing struggle between good and evil as portrayed on last week's RAW program. Debra's visage has replaced that of Sable in the opening credits. Heat is live from Long Island, NY tonight.

The Road Dogg vs. The Godfather - KOR Tournament 1st round match - Godfather has an extra large contingent of garden tools tonight (6). The Dogg is wau outclassed in this one...but he doesn't know it. As it turns out, Billy Gunn runs in to try and interfere but hits the wrong man with a chair. The match is over in under a minute with Road Dogg advancing. Cut to commercial.

A video review shows us how Shane McMahon screwed X-Pac and Kane out of the Tag Team Titles.

Jim Ross interviews the Acolytes in the ring. This should be fascinating (...not). Faarooq cuts Ross off before he can ask them about the manner in which they won the titles. Bradshaw throws out an immediate challenge to any team who wants to try them on for size. The Brood answers the challenge and the fight starts on the ramp before the lights go out. When the lights come back on, the Acolytes have been bathed in blood - so that's what this Acolytes title reign is all about... Cut to commercial.

The Super Soaker has a new tagline..."Soak it!" Thats just too cute...

Paul Wight vs. Droz (w/Prince Albert) - KOR Tournament 1st round match - this silly match is over faster then the first KOR contest earlier, after a chokeslam. Prince Albert attacks after the three count and is similarly treated. The losers bump into Steve Austin in the back as they come through the curtain - the Rattlesnake punks both of them. A long (short) night for Droz and company... Cut to commercial.

"The Golden Couple" enter as we return...

Jeff Jarrett (w/Debra) vs. Mark Henry (w/D-Lo/Ivory) - Intercontinental Title match - the challengers entrance is accompanied by the GTV segment from Monday night. Kevin Kelly anticipates a clothesline by Mark Henry by calling Jarrett by his name - then, as Henry scoops slams Jarrett, Kelly says, "Look at that power display by Jarrett!" Before the match really has a chance to develop, Steve Austin appears (accompanied by his music in the middle of a match) to interfere for no reason that I can figure. I guess he's looking for the "Higher Power" but why he expected to find the same in the ring is not made clear. What is it with the announcers? They keep talking about "the Greater Power" - but UT always says "The Higher Power". Someone needs to get all these people on the same script page...

Meat (w/PMS) vs. Ken Shamrock - Shamrock is all over his opponent from the get-go. The fight spills out onto the floor where Meat turns the tables then rolls Shamrock back inside. Meat presses his advantage in the ring until Shamrock comes back with a big clothesline then follows up with a spinning heel kick. Meat regains the advantage for about a second-and-a-half before Shamrock hits another flying kick then applies the ankle lock to get the win. Jeff Jarrett shows up and hits Shamrock with his guitar then slaps on an ankle lock of his own. Shamrock's forehead is covered with blood. Here comes Stone Cold again to wreak more havoc. Jarrett gets stunned. Austin seemingly knows who the "Higher Power" is - so why is he attacking everybody in sight? Cut to commercial.

A bloody Ken Shamrock challenges Jarrett to face him in the "Lion's Den" tomorrow night on RAW. Rookie announcer Lucas figures Kelly is joking when he orders him to get an interview with Steve Austin concerning the identity of the "Greater Power" (whatever...).

Kane vs. Test - KOR Tournament 1st round match - the winner will face Paul Wight in the next round - gosh, I wonder who that will be..? Test starts out aggressively but runs into a "red brick wall" He continues to come back after each set-back until Kane reverses a pump-handle slam into a Tombstone piledriver and gets the win. In the back, a shaken Lucas announces that Austin will be speaking to him momentarily.

The Rattle snake declines to comment on the identity of his nemesis except to mention that he isn't here tonight. So again, why is he running around on a rampage..?

Chyna (w/HHH) vs. Val Venis (w/Nicole Bass) - KOR Tournament 1st round match - Chyna's participation comes about because HHH gave her his spot, alledging that defending his KOR crown was beneath him. Chyna attacks before Val can finish his opening rant. She is all over him but then when he gets a chance to strike back, he hesitates to hit a woman. Moments later he catapults her into the corner but the referee is in the way and gets downed. Chyna knocks Nicole off the apron then HHH trips Val. While the referee is out of it, HHH hits a low blow on the big Valbowski. Chyna gets the pin and advances. Val and HHH get into a brawl which brings officials in to break it up, then Steve Austin runs in and stuns everyone left in the ring including Val, several referees, Tony Garea and Sgt Slaughter. Senseless...

Nitro Report

A white limo pulls up as the program opens - Randy Savage and his entourage spill out. Savage has the driver remove a covered bucket from the trunk and remove the lid. It is full of a brown viscous substance. Savage carries into the building and starts calling for Kevin Nash as the girls hold their noses and fan the air away from their faces. Nitro is live from Cleveland, Ohio.

Hak (w/Chastity) vs. Prince Iuakea - Hak walks out smoking a cigarette. Tony and Bischoff claim that wrestler aren't allowed to smoke during a program. Hmmmm - what about Paul Wight all those months ago..? Nobody ever said anything about that... JJ Dillon arrives to tell Hak that he isn't allowed to smoke. Hak blows smoke in his face. Dillon orders him again - Hak says, "Make me." Bischoff enters the ring and adds his two cents and gets the same treatment. He tries to take the cigarette and gets shoved back. Bischoff waves the security guys off then slaps Hak! Now the security guys move in and pin Hak's arms. Bischoff waves them off again and tells them to release Hak and let him wrestle. The ring is cleared of extraneous personnel and Iuakea attacks. Before the match gets very far, Chastity enters the ring and douses the Prince with her fire extinguisher. Hak fishes a table out from under the ring and tosses it into the ring. He sets it up and places Iaukea on it then climbs the corner and launches himself. The table stays intact and both guys are hurt - but Hak manages to get the pin before the First Family run in and attack Hak. Surprisingly, Kidman comes to his rescue and clears the ring. Hugh Morrus returns and attacks Kidman from behind in the ring. Knobbs and Hart join the frenzy then hak is back into it. Hak is chased away eventually while Kidman takes several cane shots. The Nitro Grrrrrls do a little routine in the aisle then what follows are a series of video reviews of last week's show. Cut to commercial.

The DJ is back as we return. When are they going to figure out that this guy adds nothing to the show? Bischcoff tells us that "the guy under the hood" on RAW tonight has the initials "VM." He also talks about a pending $10 Million dollar lawsuit. Really Eric, just when you were trying to change your image...shame on you.

Scotty Riggs vs. Lenny Lane - Lane decides to play around with Riggs' mirror which pisses off the "new Adonis". Bischoff has something to say about that as well - commenting that Paul Orndorff used that gimmick years ago (actually, I remember Lex Luger using it and HBK - but I don't remember Mr. Wonderfull ever using a mirror). In the match, Lane gets an airplane spin and makes himself so dizzy that he "inadvertently" head butts Riggs in the abdomen. Riggs roars back and that is just about the end of Lane's offense. The match goes on - nobody cares. Riggs dominates but can't seem to put Lane away. He misses a dropkick and gives his opponent a chance to go on the offensive. The announcers are talking about the "success" Lane has had in the Cruiserweight division - oh really? Has he actually beaten anyone? What exactly does "success" mean to these guys? Riggs finally gets the pin and still nobody cares...

In the back, Flair is trying to reason with Chris Benoit. He wants to patch things up between them. Benoit says that the only reason he is sitting there is because of the respect he has for the Nature Boy. Flair starts talking about "passing the torch" and hints that Benoit is the man to accept it. Saturn breaks in and demands a Tag Team Title match for himself and Kanyon. Flair turns to Benoit and offers him the chance to be his partner in a Tag Team Title match tonight. Saturn says - "I don't care who the Champs are" he wants a rematch. He leaves and Benoit agrees to be Flair's partner. Cut to commercial.

Randy Savage and Company make their entrance as we return. Savage is still toting the bucket. Fans at ringside are holding their noses. Savage has a mic and tells us that Nash isn't around tonight. He rants on for a while - not making all that much sense. He taunts Nash for not showing up tonight. Something tells me that somehow, Savage is going to get that bucket dumped on him before the night is out. He throws out a challenge to any five guys, or ten guys, or even thirty guys to come out and take him on. Sting appears on the platform with his own microphone. He chides Savage for being "pretty in pink" (Savage is wearing a pink feathered jacket) and accepts his challenge. Macho agrees. We seem to have a main event for tonight. Sting leaves the scene with a final comment, "Macho Madness is on viagra..." which gets Savage even hotter. Cut to commercial.

Nitro Grrrrls frolick in the ring as we return. It looks like they have added a new Amazon in the center - a very tall brunette has joined the crew. Cut to video of the septic attack on the Macho Man's limo last week. It's just as funny the second and third time I see it.

Here comes Kevin Nash - I guess he just arrived - he's carrying his travel bag and his title belt. He brings a chair into the ring and plants his bag on it then asks for a mic. He taunts Savage and adds a line "...if you know what Big Sexy is spewing..." In the background we can hear a loufmouth at ringside saying something about Shawn Michaels. Savage appears headed for the ring with the bucket in hand and trailed by the girls. Nash makes a funny - comparing his "one bag" to Savage's "three"... Savage rants as he enters the ring - Nash splits back to the aisle and tells Savage to put down the bucket. Behind Savage, the bag starts wiggling on the chair as Savage continues to rant - a very small redheaded woman emerges from the bag, sneaks up behind Savage and dumps the bucket on his head!! I knew it!!! By the way - it appears that the contents of the bucket was oatmeal that had been darkened with food coloring or something. It certainly wasn't what it was purported to be.

Diamond Dallas Page/Bam Bam Bigalow vs. Ric Flair/Chris Benoit (w/Arn Anderson) - World Tag Team Title match - I smell a rat here. It has been rumored that Flair will join forces with Page - this seems like the perfect opportunity. Remember when Flair talked Sting into being his partner..? Benoit and Page hook it up to start the match. Bigalow tries to interfere and gets ejected - Benoit is taking both of them on simultaneously. Benoit gets the Crippler Crossface on Page but he is in the ropes and escapes. Flair comes in ans slaps the figure four on Page. Bigalow rescues him. Flair and Benoit team up to double chop Page in the corner. They cooperate to eject Bigalow again. Flair lays in a low blow on Page. Benoit tags back in and then Page gets his shortarm clothesline and Benoit is on the defensive for the first time in the match. Bigalow tags in and continues the assault. They trade off and isolate Benoit. Their teamwork is definitely improving. Flair comes in and all four are fighting in opposite corners. Flair is forced back out. Benoit continues to be isolated. Flair and Bigalow get it on for a moment on the floor. Meanwhile, Benoit is avoiding the pin - barely. Page puts a front chancillry on Benoit who struggles to force Page backwards toward Flair in the corner. Page drops him to the mat and kicks his ribs then tags in Bigalow, who goes for a headbutt and misses. Both are down. Benoit struggles over to make the tag but Flair withdraws his hand. I tell you I'm physic! Flair leaves much to AA's chagrin. Arn goes and takes his place on the apron. In the ring, Bigalow has a camel clutch. Arn is straining for the tag. Now Saturn has appeared on the apron - he wants the tag! Arn is arguing with him but Saturn keeps offering his hand to Benoit. Benoit tags him in! Saturn cleans house then gets a suplex on Page and pins him. The belts are awarded to Saturn and Benoit!! Kanyon comes in and appears to be happy for them. But then he embraces Saturn and turns it into a flatliner! Page and Bigalow help Kanyon to punk the new tag champs then they all leave together.

The DJ is back with the two of the Nitro Grrrrls as we return.

Silver King/LaParka vs. Damien/Ciclope - Mexican Hard Core Tag Team match - this is typical Luchadore stuff...with chairs, garbage cans and the like. Ciclope and Damien seem to have the upper hand from the get-go. We have heard that Damien is a Hardcore King in his native country - now he has a chance to strut his stuff. The best moment has to be when Silver King throws a suicide dive only to be met by a thrown chair in mid-air (Hey! That rhymes!) It seems like every time someone tries to use a chair it gets kicked back in his face. Eventually the "Chairman" of WCW (La Parka) pins Damien after a wild match. Cut to commercial.

Scott Norton is in the back taking the B-Team to task for deserting him in his hour of need last week after Ernest Miller hit him with a tire iron. They try to convince him that they didn;t do what he saw them do in a video replay.

Meanwhile, Miller is making an entrance to the ring with Sonny Oono. He claims to have put Norton out with "one kick" (yeah...right...) He wants somebody to beat on, as usual. He intimidates David Penzer to introduce him as "the Greatest...yatta, yatta..." Horace runs into the ring and decks both Miller and Oono. Miller's superior quickness and flying feet allow him to come roaring back. Horace regains the advantage by using his size. Miller gets thrown to the edge of the ring where Oono hands him the tire iron then runs around to distract the referee so he can use it on Horace to get the pin. In the back, the B-team head for the ring and meet Miller coming up the aisle. He turns and flees and manages to out run them and escape. Cut to commercial.

Roddy Piper comes down to join Mean Gene in the ring. Piper rambles for a bit then invites Buff Bagwell to the ring. Okerlund decides to split at this point. Piper asks Buff how many times he's fought in Madison Square Garden. Buff allows that he hasn't but he is not overly impressed with Piper. "It's not 1975 anymore..." he says. Piper promises Buff that as soon as he beats Flair and takes over the company that he will give Bagwell his shot at the World Title.

Kevin Nash walks by a black limo with Savage's girls inside. They invite him into the car and produce a bottle of champagne. After he checks out the trunk, they sucker him into the car and then lock him in. The driver is Savage. He speeds away then bails as a Hummer collides with the limo from the side then backs up and hits it again and then again. The Hummer drives a away and Nash pushes out a shattered window then slumps in the back seat with his arm hanging outside the window. I'm not finding this very entertaining, but maybe that's because there was a fatal automobile accident right in front of the printing plant where I work today. The impact shook the building. This kind of crap is irresponsible and needs to be curtailed. Cut to commercial.

Bobby Duncum, Jr. (w/Curt Hennig) vs. Rey Misterio, Jr. - Hennig joins the broadcast team for this one - Konnan joins the DJ - He and Rey are wearing gas masks during their entrance. In the ring, Duncum takes the early advantage due to his larger size. Rey comes flying back and turns the tables. Duncum is levered to the floor. He comes back and is subject to another withering attack. He counters by bulling the smaller man into the corner and dropping a series of elbows on him...then he stops to showboat. He tries to throw Rey into the corner but Rey slips away and gets the bronco buster. He climbs to the top where Hennig meets him with a fist and causes the DQ. Konnan runs down and saves his cookies. Cut to commercial.

They replay the incident with the Hummer and the limo as we return. The announcers are pretending to be shocked and wondering what Nash's condition is going to be for the PPV on Sunday. This is in very bad taste. Cut to commercial.

More DJ nonsense...

The Steiner Brothers come out to the ring. BPP does his usual double entendre rant then turns his attention toward Sting. He warns Sting that both he and his brother will be there Sunday night and if Sting doesn't find a friend he is likely to be in trouble. Rick has his say and also threatens Sting. He throws an Ernest Millerish challenge out to anyone who dares to face him. Cut to commercial.

Video replay of the "bucket of sh*t" incident from earlier.

Disco Inferno vs. Buff Bagwell - Disco starts out by making a speech. He takes Bagwell to task for knuckling under to Piper earlier tonight. He says, "No wonder you were kicked out of the WolfPac. Tony tells us that Bischoff is on WCW Live! (on the web site) with details on Nash's condition and who was driving the Hummer. Bagwell gets in Disco's face and states that it's true that he (Buff) was tossed out - but then says that Disco was never a member of the WolfPac. They start to brawl and Disco takes the early advantage. Disco is capable of being quite relentless once he gets the upper hand and such is the case tonight. Buff is tossed to the floor then posted just before we cut to commercial.

The combatants are back in the ring as we return. Disco is still in charge but Buff starts a comeback almost immediately. He is stopped dead in his tracks by a clothesline. Bagwell is on the receiving end for a moment then turns the tables. The match goes into see-saw mode until Disco stumbles right into a Blockbuster and gets pinned. Cut to commercial.

Spice of the Nitro Grrrrls dances a solo turn with light sticks then we cut to commercial yet again.

Macho Man Randy Savage (w/the girls) vs. Sting - Sting runs in a clears the ring but then GG jumps on his back and distracts him so that Savage can gain the upper hand. The fight goes to the outside where the girls gang up on him - he rolls back in - better to face Savage on his own! Savage is all offense abd Sting is reeling. He stops to intimidate the referee then goes back on the attack. The girls are still getting some shots in from outside from time to time. Back out to the floor and Sting is run into the broadcast table then the railing. Back inside and th girls are distracting th referee so Savage can throw powder in Sting's eyes. Now Savage distracts the referee and Miss madness goes up for a Frankensteiner on Sting - but she is shoved to the mat. Savage takes the referee out with a piledriver then ejects a second one who runs in. Sting comes back to life and is all over Savage - but the latter pulls Miss madness into harms way. Sting clears then way and has Savage set up for the Stinger splash - but Medusa gets dragged into his path. Now the Steiners show up and attempt to punk the Stinger until Lex Luger runs in with a baseball bat and runs them off.

RAW Report

Vince McMahon comes to the ring in fighting gear and challenges Shane to an anything-goes battle for control of the company. He says that he suspects that Shane is the "Greater Power". Shane appears and accepts but insists that he isn't the "Greater Power". He adds that they are going to reveal the same in a few minutes.

Undertaker and the Ministry come down for the unveiling. Shane says before he reveals "the Power" he wants Vince present to witness it. Vince appears on the TitanTron and then Shane pulls off the hood to reveal...Vince McMahon! Vince turns and thanks Shane and the Ministry for helping him to screw the Rattlesnake once more. Well, that was certainly a let-down...why can't the WWF ever come up with a decent "mystery man"?

At this point Linda and Stephanie McMahon appear on the platform. They are shocked - especially Stephanie. Then Linda reveals who the "real" Higher Power is because actually she and Stephanie hold 50% of the company between them (Vince and Shane also have 25% each) - and she has decided to hand controlling interest and her CEO position over to Stone Cold Steve Austin!!!

Now Austin appears, clipboard in hand, and announces that changes are about to be made. He promises to take back his Title at a later date but the first order of business is to get back at Shane and Vince. He books a handicap match with the two of them against himself at the King of the Ring PPV. Then he books a match for tonight with the former Tag Champs Kane and X-Pac in a handicap against Shane!! He offers the three remaining UNION members the chance to meet opponents of their choosing tonight and orders HHH to put one of his legs in a cast and meet the Rock in a "Cast Match".

In the back, Austin is presented with an executive briefcase by the McMahon women. He opens it to find three cans of Steveweiser - they share a toast.

Acolytes vs. The Brood (Edge/Gangrel w/Christian) - Tag Team Title match - this match is cut short by a run-in courtesy of Michael Hayes and the Hardy Boyz. Bradshaw clotheslines Gangrel and gets the pin while the Hardy's are piling onto Christian. Edge runs them off. No bloodbath tonight - at least not yet...

The UNION come to the ring and cash their "blank checks" from the new CEO. Paul Wight decides that he wants to face the Undertaker for the World Title. Then, Ken Shamrock told Jeff Jarrett he would get his later. Tonight he wants to get Vince McMahon in the "Lion's Den"! He relates how he was humiliated a few weeks ago when his sister was kidnapped by the Ministry - so he wants to get back at Vince on RAW! Finally they turn to Test. He says that since he can "meet" anyone in the ring he chooses to meet Stephanie McMahon! He asks her to come out and then goes on bended knee to ask her out!! Stephanie accepts his proposal while Vince and Shane fume in the back over the fact that Stephanie has agreed to date a wrestler. Cut to commercial.

Kane/X-Pac vs. Shane McMahon - handicap match - X-Pac manages to get in a few shots before the Mean Street Posse (wearing Mankind masks) runs in to rescue their leader. The Boy Wonder is spirited away but the Posse are not so fortunate. They are cut off by Gerry Brisco and Pat Patterson and tossed back into the ring (one had to wonder where they would stand in all of this). Pete and Rodney were chokeslamed and tombstoned after being ridden like broncos. Cut to commercial.

Michael Cole interviews Debra about her pending match against Nicole Bass for the Womens' Title tonight. Debra counters by saying that she has 30 days to defend the title and declines to have the match on RAW tonight but offers Nicole a "bikini contest". If Nicole wins she will get her title shot on next week's RAW - if not, Nicole would have to, "...leave my puppies alone..."

The Rock vs. HHH - Cast match - HHH is having a real problem walking with his entire leg in a cast - a distinct disadvantage against a guy who can swing his cast like a club. Maivia starts out by clobbering HHH with a chair then put the Rock Bottom on him. He then was setting up for the People's Elbow when the Undertaker ran in and caught him with a chokslam and a Tombstone piledriver. Paul Wight ran in and chased him off but the damage had been done. Maivia just can't win these days...

Debra (w/Jeff Jarrett) vs. Nicole Bass (w/Val Venis) - Bikini Contest - Debra wears a silver number emblazoned wih hearts while Nicole dons a green two piece. Debra works th crowd up and defeats Nicole easily. Val Venis is angry that his lady has lost and decided to take it out on Jarrett. He grabs the Intercontinental Champ and orders Nicole to bash him with his own guitar. Debra snatched Jarrett away at just the right moment causing Nicole to hit thge Big Valbowski instead. Afterward, Val is livid and dresses Nicole down over her "screw-ups". Nicole has had enough and tells Val, "Screww you!" then walks away. Val is speechless - since he is used to being the dumper - not the dumpee. He chases after her and we cut to commercial.

Billy Gunn vs. The Godfather - grudge match - Godfather is pretty upset after his encounter with "Mr. Posterior" on Heat last night. He charges the former DX member and is levered out to the floor. While the referee is counting Godfather out of the ring, the Road Dogg runs in and attacks Billy. He gets a pumphandle slam. Meanwhile Godfather recovers and beats the count. He drops a leg on the helpless Gunn and takes the pin. Cut to commercial.

Al Snow vs. Droz - Hardcore Title match - this one never gets to the ring. In fact most of the action takes place in a sports bar in the lobby of the arena. Various objects come into play in this typical WWF version of a Hardcore match and Snow finally gets the pin to retain his title.

Ken Shamrock vs. Vince McMahon - "Lion's Den" match - this is another match that never came off (we seem to see a lot of these in the WWF of late). In this instance, Shamrock is making his way into the cage when Jeff Jarrett appears and flattens him with a chair. Shamrock is unconscious in the "Lion's Den" when McMahon makes his entrance. He adds humilliation on top of injury by applying his own clumsy version of Shamrock's anklelock submission. Shamrock is out cold and fails to respond to the referee. Vince is declared the winner.

The Undertaker vs. The Big Show - World Title match - a short, very intense match ends when Wight literally chokeslams UT right through the mat. He disappears from view!! The Ministry thugs swarm into the ring and are fought off by the big guy - but meanwhile the Undertaker has escaped from beneath the ring with his Title belt.

It seems like Steve Austin's first night as CEO didn;t quite turn out as he had hoped.

At least that's the way I see it...

Earl Oliver
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